"My sincerest apologies, Christmas pudding." It's time to rank Christmas desserts.

Hold your tinsel earrings I need to get something off my chest. 

Ahem; CHRISTMAS DESSERT IS POSSIBLY THE WORST CATEGORY OF FOOD ON THE PLANET. 

Honestly, who do I have to call to complain about this?

Watch: Things Aussies never say at Christmas.

If I told you to close your eyes and shout out the most recognisable Christmas dessert of the festive season, you'd probably shout PUDDING! Or TRIFLE! Or MINCE PIES!

Hello, you've just named my bottom three.

Thankfully, in 2021 we don't have to stick to tradition. But for some reason an alcohol soaked fruit abomination always manages to sneak its way on to the table. 

I've helpfully ranked the most popular Christmas desserts from worst to best, to save your guests' gag reflex at the table this year.

8. Christmas Pudding.

The only saving grace is the money that gets hidden inside. 

It's like whoever started this tradition (The Brits did FYI, in the 14th century), knew they'd designed something crap and tried to distract with shiny coins. 

I've never had a Chrissy pud that's good. Never. Cover it in so much custard you mask the taste completely, and it's mildly edible, but WHY BOTHER.

It tastes like disappointment. 

Get in the bin, pud. 

7. Trifle. 

If you are the lucky bastard that gets first dip of the trifle, then maybe you'll enjoy yourself. 

By the second dip the layers have smooshed and you've got yourself a squishy, gooey, jelly thing with sponge cake so soggy you could throw it at a wall and it'd stick. 

Mary Berry knows what's up.

No... thank you. 

6. Mince Pies.

Pies should not be cold. 

I repeat, pies should not be cold.

And stop calling it mince. 

5. Rum balls.

As a general rule; alcohol doesn't belong in dessert. 

Slow cooked ragu? GO FOR YOUR LIFE! Tip in the bottle! But leave my dessert alone.

I always mistake these as yummy little choccy bites and then I bite... and WTF. Rum was not a necessary ingredient. You've ruined it. 

NO Rory. DON'T DO IT.

4. Gingerbread.

Why is gingerbread so weird? 

I want to like it - I do. But it's just so... bland. 

It's a reluctant, no. 

Looks pretty as a house, but not in my mouth. 

3. Cheesecake.

Now we're getting warmer. 

Sweet, a biscuit base, a creamy inside; it's a winning combination. 

Sorry...who is picking pudding over this. WHO!?

 It is, however, only enjoyable in small doses. 

That shit is dense.

2. Ice-cream cake.

This is a crowd pleaser. Kids love it. Adults love it. 

Ice cream always belongs on a dessert menu. Always.

BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS A COLD PIE.

My mum makes one that's bright pink, full of berries with a crumb on the bottom. It's the absolute tits. 

1. Pavlova.

Pavlova is the God tier of Christmas food. 

Fresh, light, sweet, fruity and fluffy. After a big plate of Christmas lunch it's the perfect finisher. 

Perfection. 

Take a bow, pav. 

See you on the Chrissy table. 

For more from Gemma Bath, keep up to date with her articles here, or follow her on Instagram, @gembath.

Feature image: Getty/Canva/Mamamia.

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