On Monday, Chrissy Teigen attended the American Music Awards in a long black dress, with slits on either side that went from her rib cage to the floor. It was held together by safety pins.
I think that maybe (definitely) Teigen knew we could see her legs/hips/abdomen. I think it might have even been on purpose.
And here's another theory.
When she decided to wear an open dress, coupled with no underwear, she probably entertained the possibility that it might blow open.
AND that when it inevitably did blow open, everyone would talk about it.
When Teigen was fastening her shoes that afternoon, she probably laughingly said to her entourage "Oh yes, it will begin with outrage, of course. But then a feminist faction will chant "her body her choice!"...and women will call each other 'bitches' and 'whores' and then I can post a witty Instagram comeback to my nine million followers. Fin!"
And what a goddamn genius.
It was indeed discovered on Monday that the 30-year-old former swimsuit model and television host, has a real life...vagina. Well, a 'mons pubis' to be exact. You'd have to be pretty flexible and committed to show your vag on a red carpet...but maybe next time.
It's not that I'm sitting here cheering for Chrissy Teigen. I'm not starting a #getyourvagout hashtag. It's just that I. Don't. Care.
It's all just so painfully repetitive and predictable. Every awards show a woman - it's always a woman - wears something provocative, and then everyone talks about it for a few days until we've said all the things and then we all get bored.
News.com.au ran with the headline "Chrissy Teigen naked dress: Is full frontal nudity next for celebrities?" to which I respond; NO. IT'S NOT. Just because Chrissy Teigen wore a dress with some slits in it does not mean that all people will stop wearing clothes.
In fact, here's a radical idea. What Chrissy Teigen wore on the red carpet tells us one thing and one thing only: That's what Chrissy Teigen decided to wear on the red carpet.
It's not a moral issue. It shouldn't make us angry. The slits in her sides weren't sending damaging messages to children. It was an outfit, worn to stir the pot. And stir the pot it has.
If you're looking to Chrissy Teigen for empowerment, you're looking in the wrong place.
If you're looking to Chrissy Teigen to tell your daughters what it is to be a woman, you will be disappointed.
If you're looking to Chrissy Teigen to upset the notion that for women, sexuality is currency, then you're simply not going to find it.
We cannot respond with horror every time a woman wears something we define as "classless" or "exposing". It's exhausting.
That's not to say we should stop proudly flying the feminist flag.
It's just important to plant it in battles that actually matter.
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The full episode of Mamamia Out Loud this week is here: