Chris Lane's sister: 'My brother's killer's apology makes me feel nothing'.

Tonight, you might tune into Channel 7. You might watch a special called In Cold Blood, and hear about the drive-by murder of an Australian baseball player called Chris Lane.

You’ll learn Chris was out jogging when he was shot in the back. He was gunned down by three teenagers, who later told police they were “bored”.

Chris Lane was my baby brother. His brutal, senseless death has changed me and my family forever.

Tonight, you’ll hear the driver of the car, Michael Jones, apologise.

Asked what he’d say to me, my two sisters, my mum and my dad, he’ll reply: “I know I’ve put you all through a lot … and there’s nothing I can say or do to ever change what happened but … I do hope that they can find it, you know, to forgive me, you know.

“I just, I just, I’d tell them that I really am truly sorry and … I know they’re never going to see Chris again and that’s something that not only them but I have to live with because they’re not ever going to see Chris again at my hand.

“You know I may not have pulled the trigger but I drove away and that’s just as bad.”

James Edwards, who was a passenger in the car and 15 at the time of the shooting, apologised in the courtroom in Duncan, Oklahoma, so it's not the first time I've heard how sorry they are.

But their apologies make me feel nothing.

During the trial, I sat in a courtroom just metres from Chris' killers. To sit that close to someone you hate to your very core is an experience most people will go a lifetime without experiencing. You can think you hate an ex-boyfriend or someone who cheated you, but until you have faced the person who killed your brother in cold blood, for no reason, you will never have experienced black, tar-dripping hate.

I don't want to go back to that place of pure hate. I don't want to feel so controlled by a disgusting feeling.

I have never really looked at those three boys and tried to figure out why they did what they did. If I had, perhaps an apology would have brought some closure. Some of my family are glad the boys have at least apologised and believe they owed our family at least that. I guess I'm a little different.

The good person in me has always been taught to receive an apology, accept it and move on. But in these circumstances the I don't want their apologies, I never asked for them and they don't make me feel any better.

I just miss my brother too much, and his loss has been too much to comprehend.

Chancey Luna, who pulled the trigger, was found guilty and given life without parole. He got a life sentence, and in Oklahoma that means life. It means he can never hurt anyone else.

I am sure he will think about my brother and what he did every day.

That’s our sentence too. I think about my brother every day. We live with lingering grief and that's our life sentence.

I am glad for their own sake Edwards and Jones have apologised and admitted what they did was wrong, but it won't bring Chris back and doesn't change my grief.

So instead, I think about Chris' girlfriend Sarah Harper, her mum Cindy and dad Randy, her brother Tyler and their extended family.

And I think about the people of Duncan. The house next door to the Harper's had been vacant and the community filled it with furniture, beds and food for us during the trial.

I remember struggling at the trial, tired from crying and sick to the core from hearing things I didn’t want to deal with. I turned around. The three rows behind me were filled. The faces looking back at me were filled with love, reassurance and comfort.

We could have been isolated and alone. Instead we had people to talk to when we needed to, we had people bringing us homemade food. We had people who kept us moving and made us feel part of a loving tribe.

These are the moments I am so grateful for.

Today, I look at my two little daughters and think about all the amazing opportunities they will have.

And  I choose hope.