Any plan made three weeks in advance is a fantastic one.
Inch nearer and nearer to the event in question however, and your enthusiasm begins to wane. Not unlike a small child’s, who upon being ushered into a locked car under the guise of ‘getting ice cream’, is told it’s yearly vaccination time.
Except we’re adults now. And we still keep doing it to ourselves.
We hastily agree to plans we don't really consider ever executing. Because they are in the future.
Going for a run with a friend on the weekend; grabbing a coffee with a school chum we hadn't seen for years but bumped into in the checkout line at the supermarket; having Sue's daughter over after Saturday sport to play with yours. That's next week me's problem.
Aussie comedian Celeste Barber gets it. That's the subject of her latest video with Mamamia, the aptly titled Socialising with Celeste Barber. In the video playing above, Celeste runs through four terribly inappropriate ways to try make the most of the social tomfoolery we accidentally sign up for. Here's a summary (no offence...actually full offence):
1. Be extra charitable.
School/work/life fundraiser events can be, and often are an absolute drag. But let's hit pause for a sec.
Yes, you might have to dress a bit nice and donate $20 to a cause you don't know a whole lot about. (Nothing. You know nothing about the cause. Especially considering you went to the bathroom when the speech was being given).
But think about of all the free wine and nibbles how much of a good person you are. And if you're really hungry feeling extra charitable, Celeste recommends striking two fundraisers in one day.
Free booze, and people think you're amazing.
2. Information cards.
These are great for when you've agreed to an intimate social gathering you just can't be arsed with.
Mother-in-law over? Jill from round the corner dropping off the vacuum cleaner she borrowed? Stuck at a café with an old friend who you thought you wanted back in your inner circle but really they're just as annoying as you remember?
Celeste recommends prepping information cards with basic phrases on bits of paper. So you don't have to talk.
This is a great one if you plant the seed early - that you have a sore throat, or have decided to become a Buddhist monk.
It may be slightly more confusing, however, if you lean in them half way through a regular conversation.
3. Make school concerts a little more...alcohol.
Sick of being bored out of your mind at school plays?
Get all the other bad mums together, and every time one of your (very loved, special) darlings forgets a line, have a drink.
Bonus points for spirits. If they one of them forgets to come on stage, that's two drinks. But drink responsibly. OF COURSE.
4. Sabotage play dates.
That Sunday morning play date seemed like a great idea when you were three wines deep at that charity dinner last week, but now it's Sunday morning and can't be remotely arsed having someone else's child in your house.
Celeste recommends casting your morals aside, and organising a little fight.
"I heard Susie say you aren't her best friend anymore, Miller is."
Maybe you want to rethink all of the play dates you have organised for the school holidays, huh?
That way, you have time to focus on the other, more important things in life.
Like going to see Bad Moms 2, with a bunch of your rowdiest group of friends. Now that's the kind of socialising we like.
Bad Moms 2 is out November 2. Check out the trailer:
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