Fact: Having a cat as a child makes you a better adult than if you had a dog.

Cats are better than dogs.

I know that may be difficult for some of you to accept, but they just are. I also know that the Internet is a place where broad, sweeping statements often get thrown around as if they were fact, but guess what? This is not one of those occasions. Because, according to me and anyone else who is awesome, never was a truer statement spoken:

Cats are better than dogs. THEY JUST ARE.

We argued about this in the Mamamia office until it became clear that a line in the sand must be drawn. The awesome people would stand with me on the cat side, and the lame people would stand with Kate Leaver on the dog side.

Kate put her pro-dog arguments to me with grace and articulation, but I refused to be swayed. Because – and don’t deny this dog-lovers – but you all base your argument on two frustrating little words:

‘Unconditional Love’.

I’m so sick of hearing that dogs are better than cats because they offer ‘unconditional love’. I grew up with dogs and cats, so I understand what each species has to offer, and let me tell you something:

If given the choice between letting a kid grow up with a dog or a cat, I’d pick a cat every time. Why?

Because having a cat as a child makes you a better adult.

It’s that simple.

What does the unconditional love offered by dogs teach kids about life? That you should do anything and everything you can to make someone love you? That you should be ‘loyal’ someone no matter how you’re treated? That you should figuratively (and maybe even literally but that’s your business) roll over on command?

Dogs may be loyal, but loyalty without conditions makes them push-overs. And while the unconditional love they offer may feel nice, it hardly sends a positive message about how to live your life.

Cats, on the other hand, are the epitome of kick-arse wonder-beings.

Cats are independent. Cats are self-possessed. Cats are the ultimate teachers of self-worth. They know who they are, they know how they expect to be treated, and they never settle for anything less.

Cats don’t teach the importance of unconditional love. They teach the importance of mutual respect.

You know that saying “You teach people how to treat you”? Cats live by that philosophy. If you piss off a cat, you’ll know it. If you treat a cat the way it deserves, you’ll know that too. Cats don’t give love and respect freely – those are things they make you earn.

Doesn’t that sound like an amazing freaking way to live?

So, just to summarise, on the one hand, we have a pet that teaches the importance of loving unconditionally whoever agrees to take care of you.

On the other hand, we have a pet that teaches the importance of loving and respecting yourself, being independent, only maintaining relationships with people who deserve your time, never doing anything you’re not comfortable with, being clear about how you expect to be treated, knowing your worth, always being proud of who you are, and never, ever compromising on what you stand for.

Please allow me to repeat my previous statement:

CATS ARE THE ULTIMATE KICK-ARSE WONDER-BEINGS.

How could growing up with a cat NOT make you a better human?

But, I get it. Kate Leaver and her pro-dog friends are a hard group to shake. All that unconditional love has quite possibly fogged up their brains with a never-ending loop of rainbows and cookies and Anne Geddes photos of puppies snuggling with sleeping babies.

In which case, I’ll make things a little simpler for everybody:

Cats have the dignity to shit in private. And if we want the leaders of tomorrow to take just one lesson away from their childhood pets, it’s probably that one.

Now… Come at me dog-lovers. I’m ready for you.

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If you would like to abuse Rosie on Facebook regarding the uncomfortable truthbomb she just dropped, you can find her page right here.