'At 57 I thought I met the love of my life. Ten months later, he abruptly left because of a "game".'

Megan* was 57 when she met 63-year-old Dan* on a Facebook singles group.

Having been single for more than 14 years, Megan was ready to open her heart to love again, she just didn't expect it to happen so quickly.

Dan was charming, sweet and polite, sweeping Megan off her feet and throwing her headfirst into a whirlwind romance. 

"We did hook up on day one, and pretty much stuck like glue from that point," Megan told Mamamia.

"Dan treated me absolutely perfectly, every single day."

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While she was conscious of how quickly things were moving, she says, she felt "like the luckiest woman alive".

"Everything was perfect every day. And the sex was the best I'd ever had — he was so focussed on me. It was moving very fast, but it felt so natural."

A few months later, Dan proposed.

"I was a bit scared, but mostly I was ecstatic," Megan recalled. "We had a simple wedding at home. I felt like a princess. I felt like my life was complete."

After the wedding, things kept getting better. Every day was "perfect", and each passing day was better than the one before.

One day, Dan's attitude shifted.

"He had been a tad moody for a couple of days, nothing dramatic," Megan said. 

"He was getting ready for work, and I was about to go to an appointment, so as I was saying goodbye, I gently asked him to bring the happy Dan home."

"I'm trying," he told her. 

"I know," she replied. "But you're walking around with a black cloud over you."

Then, for the first time ever, Dan yelled at Megan. "Fine," he screamed. "I won't f**king come home."

"I was gobsmacked," Megan said. "He'd never spoken to me like that before."

Later that day, Megan sent him a message, asking him why he was late coming home. He said he was looking for somewhere to live. "That was the end of my marriage. I did not see it coming from a million miles away."

He did come home eventually, but he hardly spoke to Megan. When she came from work the next day, his car and his bike were gone. "I remember thinking: 'Oh my goodness, he's really gone.'"

Megan felt as though a rug had been pulled out from under her. "I was shocked, stunned, lost and so hurt."

Then the "breadcrumbing" started.

Breadcrumbing is a form of manipulation where a person feigns interest in pursuing a relationship they have no interest in. Given Dan was her husband, Megan hoped they would sort things out, that he must have been going through something. But he never came back, and for weeks, wouldn't tell her why. 

"I loved him with every cell in my body, so I continued to ask him why he left," she said. "He knew I was dying inside."

He'd invite her over to his new place, then cancel at the last minute. When he did finally see her, he took her out for dinner, only to tell her he "[couldn't] do this anymore", and screaming at her to get out.

After several weeks, when Megan asked Dan, yet again, why he was leaving her, he finally answered.

"Catch, chase, release." 

And with that, their marriage was over, 10 months after it began.

"I was devastated. I felt stupid, like a fool. I was so damn hurt."

What is 'chase, catch, release'?

The term, 'chase, catch, release' — or simply 'catch and release' — comes from the fishing practice of hooking a fish, then immediately releasing it. It's something of a 'game', where the thrill comes from the process and the catch, not in keeping the fish.

"This comment suggests that he was never actually interested in a long-term commitment and was more focused on getting a hit of dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin," explained relationship expert Susan De Campo. "The positive feelings that arise from the release of these hormones are fantastic. Research suggests they hang around in spades for someone between six months and two years."

De Campo said that only around 20 per cent of couples say they feel the same way after many years of being together.

"Unfortunately, the language he used suggests that [the relationship] was more like a game for him… more like 'speed fishing.'"

While Dan took the game to an extreme by marrying Megan, De Campo said that red flags can be difficult to spot, even in dating, because many of the behaviours mimic those that lead to successful relationships. 

"I know many people who meet and marry pretty quickly who end up enjoying long-term successful relationships," De Campo said. 

"Some flags include: love-bombing, a family system with very few, if any, happy long-term relationships, an unwillingness to discuss topics such as fidelity, commitment, conflict resolution styles, emotional intelligence and relationship nurturance.

"Hormone-fuelled initial passion and attraction ought to be enjoyed, if not savoured," she continued. "And, if you want to have a secure and loving relationship beyond those first, say 18 months, conversations about so-called sensitive topics must happen."

The last impact.

While Megan eventually got over Dan, she'll never get over the trauma of knowing that the person who made her the happiest in her life also left her broken. 

"I learnt so much about love-bombing — though I had no idea it was a thing till it happened to me — bread crumbing, trauma bonding, and gaslighting," she said.

Looking back, Megan said that there were some red flags — like the fact he'd been married four times before and the speed of the relationship — but she believed at 63, he was ready to grow up and settle down. 

Although Megan is dating again, she said that the experience has left her cautious in a way that takes some of the joy away.

"I'm very wary of guys who get to calling you 'babe' or pet names, or are quick to talk about the future, too soon. I'm old school and once, it didn't feel like such a bad thing, but now sadly it's a big red flag."

*This person is known to Mamamia but has chosen to remain anonymous for privacy reasons.

Feature Image: Getty.