rogue

A man installed a camera to work out why he couldn't sleep. Turns out his cat was trying to kill him.

If there’s one thing I know for sure about cats, it’s that they low-key want to kill all humans.

Which is fine.

Except that it’s… dangerous. And exhausting for cat owners.

This week, one particular cat owner named Luis Navarro learnt that he needs to stop sleeping forever because of his cat’s murderous intentions.

Watch: How to read your cat’s body language. Post continues after video.

“I couldn’t breathe when I slept,” Luis explained on Twitter. “So I installed a camera.”

This is what he found:

… Sir.

You need to step away from the cat. Immediately.

The cat could clearly be seen:

1) Watching him sleep like that freaky girl in Paranormal Activity

paranormal activity
Sweetie. U OK?
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2) Climbing on top of him to hug his face and/or suffocate him

cat-man
'It's calming for me.'

3) Checking that he's dead and/or gauging his eyes out

????
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It was... indecent.

Of course, once Luis shared his story of being almost murdered by his cat, thousands of people on Twitter responded with their own my-cat-is-low-key-trying-to-end-my-life experiences.

Because discovering your cat is trying to kill you is apparently fairly universal.

There's the cat who's always ominously... lurking. Waiting for the right moment.

The cat who's more explicit about their attempted strangling.

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The cat who wants to be so close they're inevitably going to end up... inside your face.

And the cat who knows how to be cute while blocking their human's nose AND mouth.

GUYS YOUR CATS ARE MAKING NO SECRET OF THE FACT THEY WANT YOU TO DIE AND YOU ALL SEEM WAY TOO CHILL ABOUT IT.

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One Twitter user, however, suggested an alternative justification for cats wanting to sit on human's faces: 'that's where the warm comes out.'

Yes, it does, but something in their eyes just tells me they want the warm to... stop. And the human to... die.

cat1
When
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cat2
u die
cat2
I get the house

This is why I have a dog.

He's too dumb to hurt a fly.

Tags: cats , news-stories , rogue
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