I’m not famous. If I did anything on Instagram, you wouldn’t write about it. But when I broke up with my boyfriend of seven years, I became the talk of the internet. And everyone knew how it happened.
They knew that I told him I didn’t love him anymore, that I was standing in my pink Bonds undies, and that I was the most horrible, heartless person they’d ever read about.
No, my ex-boyfriend wasn’t Calvin Harris, but reading his tweets, it could well have been.
It was really late at night. Dan* and I were standing in our rented apartment. I spoke, then cried and he packed a bag and walked out the door, uttering a soft “I love you” as the hinges squeaked closed.
I stood there thinking: “This needed to happen. It’s the right thing for both of us. We’d been together for too long. He knows that in his heart.”
He didn't.
Our high-school-turned-uni-turned-fake-adult relationship was packaged like a massive, juicy pinata painted with our vomit-worthy loved-up selfies, bursting at the seams with every detail of every fight we'd ever had, waiting for someone to take the first swing.
The first batter up was my ex, and boy did he let loose.
Dan had spared no time letting Facebook know he was single. That's fine, I thought.
During the throws of our emotional "uncoupling", we hadn't talked about how we'd announce the news on Facebook or social media. Because only celebrities do that and no one gives a nosey crap about what we do.
"LOL you guys are so funny," a person I am no longer friends with commented.
"Haha. If this actually happened I wouldn't even be sad because there's no way it could be true," someone I had never met wrote.
The more the comments flowed, the more I realised Dan and I were the Pedestal Couple of our extended friendship group.
You know, that couple that everyone says they love, that if they broke up there's no hope for anyone because if two people that perfect for each other can't make it in life, then love is a big fat beautiful sham.
Yes, we were the goddamn Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris of northern bloody New South Wales.
And like Calvin, Dan had only just begun to smash our perfect seven-year pinata all over the interwebs.
His next Facebook post was brutal.
"So, I guess you all heard I am now single. I want to set the record straight and tell you how this happened."
Every detail of our conversation the night before was then outlined.
In full screen, zoomed-in, high definition coverage, Dan told our friends, family and countless people I don't know about everything that he ever resented about me.
Like Calvin, he accused me of "playing" everyone I'd ever met, like I was a heartless sociopath on a mission to befriend everyone and then cut them down with some of kind of scornful knife that apparently only women possess.
It was the most intimate and cringeworthy blow-by-blow you've ever read -- with some vengeful artistic licence to boot.
"She obviously wanted to end it abruptly for a reason. I have no proof, but I think it's clear who the real victim of this relationship is," he accused.
I was left mortified, and shocked. The heartbreak from our breakup was one thing, but I knew that would mend. This was a whole other level of hurt.
When did you know your relationship was over? Post continues after video.
I received dozens of messages from friends, people I didn't know very well, family. My own personal paparazzi were honing in like vultures and it didn't stop. For weeks.
Every time Dan posted an update of his "Bachelor pad" and how he was "adjusting to single life", they came back.
I was nowhere near feeling ready to start dating, but if I happened to hang out with a male friend, I'd get a "subtle" jab in a "subtle" status update in a matter of hours.
I'd know about it because people would tell me, even when I desperately expressed I didn't want to know.
That's why I'm on team Taylor Swift. If I were the highest earning female of last year, with one of the biggest collections of fans in the world, you're damn right I'd be carefully selecting the people who are part of my life.
The fact is, you didn't cut it Calvin.
Using your seven million followers on Twitter isn't going to change that.
Top Comments
This is the person who writes songs about ex boyfriends and friends.
So do all songwriters
Of course- it's all calvins fault!! How about questioning why Taylor wanted to use a pseudonym for that song and now that they've broken up, she suddenly wants recognition? It was HER people who announced her involvement in the song. She clearly wanted the world to know that the song wouldn't have been a success had she not been part of it. How is it fair for Taylor to trash him in the media and he isn't allowed to respond?
Pretty convenient how this came out just as she made an "impromptu" visit to the children's hospital- or am I just being too cynical?
I think it is pretty obviously a jab she is having at him by announcing she wrote the song.
Maybe she wasn't the person who leaked it. Maybe someone else did, and her rep just confirmed. It wouldn't be the first time. There's been so many rumours surrounding this couple - mostly Calvin and Taylor haven't confirmed either.
Maybe she didn't want her name connected because she was worried her name would overshadow his (which, let's face it, is true). A lot of people HAD wanted them to work together, and let's face it, whether you like her or not, she's far more famous than him. Her name would easily overshadow his, and maybe she wanted to be selfless for him. Perhaps after the interview he gave - which was pretty harsh, considering, he could have easily just said "We've thought about it, but not right now, maybe in the future" - but he made it a big deal it was never going to happen. Maybe she heard that, was upset, told a few friends ... and after this, it was leaked. It wouldn't be the first time.
Regardless, Calvin is behaving terribly. Her rep confirming a leaked report is no where near what I'd call as her 'burying' information. To me, this reeks like someone who's pissed that she moved on. I'm with the author - I've had similar experiences, more than once, from men who are pissed I moved on. Who dumped me, but for some reason expected me to stay single. Until I see something that actually proves Taylor's behaving the way he's even said - or even the way Katy's said - I think he's just acting badly because of the break up and her high-profile move on. If she was really as awful as some of the rumours say, wouldn't there be more than rumours? If top-leaked information came out via Wiki Leaks, I'm sure Taylor's secrets could just as easily be exposed.
How do you know she leaked it though. She seems pretty loved up and oblivious to the world. Why is it so hard to believe that she really doesn't give a damn.
no her rep was asked and he confirmed. I don't see the problem with them telling the truth. Taylor also wrote the melody - which in my opinion MADE that song. She's awesome and people hate that, good on her