rogue

A definitive ranking of every single chocolate in a box of Cadbury Favourites.

 

On Christmas morning, no matter how you celebrate, there are a few things that always happen:

a) Someone will crack open a beer far too early and be incoherent before dessert,

b) The designated cook will shoo everyone out of the kitchen, even though they really do need help and,

c) There will be a box of Cadbury Favourites wrapped up under the tree for you.

Wrapping it makes no sense, because the shape and size of the box is so obvious you could figure out what it is blindfolded. But, hey, it’s chocolate, so you rip off the paper and say ‘Wow’, just to make Mum happy.

And then once it’s open, you carefully examine your box. What’s the Turkish Delight to Caramello ratio? Since when is Old Gold included? Why are there so many Cherry Ripes and where is the nearest bin?

Not all Favourites are created equal and what you first select out of a Favourites box says a lot about you.

So, we’ve taken it all into consideration and ranked the chocolates in a Favourites box from god awful to God tier.

11. Turkish Delight.

cadbury favourites
ADVERTISEMENT

Turkish Delight is like the Queen Elizabeth II of chocolate. Old and really bloody enduring.

Frankly, it's rude that this poor excuse for a treat is taking up space that could belong to literally any other chocolate.

Throw these out straight away, or check if grandma is around. Grandmas love Turkish Delight.

10. Cherry Ripe.

cadbury favourites
ADVERTISEMENT

To me, cherries signal summer. Cherry Ripe, on the other hand... signals I've reached the grim bottom of my Favourites box, which has morphed from a joyous container of deliciousness into a rubbish bin in which to dispose of the wrappers of far superior options.

Is there a petition to leave cherries alone? Please let me know.

9. Old Gold.

cadbury favourites
ADVERTISEMENT

Legend has it, no human has ever actually purchased a block of Old Gold.

8. Flake.

cadbury favourites

Flakes are delicious, but they're ranked low because of the mess. Once you eat a flake, you will find remnants of it on your clothing, floor and probably also in your Christmas ham for days. Be prepared.

ADVERTISEMENT

7. Moro.

cadbury favourites

Kmart Mars bar. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

6. Picnic.

cadbury favourites
ADVERTISEMENT

Nuts, wafer, rice crisps and caramel.

The Picnic has all the MVPs of chocolate accompaniments, and that is its biggest downfall. A Picnic is yum, but it's always just a little less memorable than you expect it to be.

5. Dairy Milk.

cadbury favourites
ADVERTISEMENT

Sometimes, you just want some plain ol' chocolate. Dairy Milk is the OG and honestly, the glue that keeps this box full of misfits together.

4. Boost.

cadbury favourites
ADVERTISEMENT

Controversial? Maybe.

I'm not even sure if Boost exists in any other form, but my annual reminder that this chocolate is a thing is a real delight. It's delicious, and fun to eat.

The only acceptable method: You must first eat the chocolate off the ends, allowing you to peel back the full chocolate layer to reveal the caramel, then eat the weird log shaped chocolate inside. Science says so.

3. Caramello.

cadbury favourites

I live my life by one simple rule: Never trust anyone who doesn't like caramel.

ADVERTISEMENT

Caramello is simple, but effective. It's smooth, silky and delicious and it will never, ever let you down.

2. Dream.

cadbury favourites

NO I DON'T CARE IF IT'S NOT REAL CHOCOLATE.

I would go to battle for white chocolate, and also sneak into the Favourites boxes of all my family members and steal their Dreams when they're not looking.

1. Crunchie.

cadbury favourites
ADVERTISEMENT

Everyone loves a Crunchie, and the beauty of it is that we all forget just how deep that love goes until we grab one out of the box and take a bite.

The hard honeycomb becomes gooey in your mouth and yes, this is the pinnacle of Favourites box experiences.

Crunchie is pure honeycomb greatness and that, my friends, is unbeatable.

What does your Cadbury Favourites ranking look like? Let us know in a comment.

Feature image: Facebook/CadburyDairyMilkAustralia.