My youngest son finishes Year Five in a few weeks. As a family with three kids, we’ve notched up 11 consecutive years at our local primary school and every year, late November-ish, I’ve taken the kids who haven’t made it to high school yet to the shops to buy their teacher a Christmas present.
I’ve never missed a year. I’ve never missed a teacher (that’s 19 teachers so far). But this year, I don’t want to buy my son’s teacher a present. I don’t want to say, “Thanks for everything and here is a small gift just to show you how much I have appreciated your hard work, commitment and, no doubt, patience”.
Because my son has been the opposite of the teacher’s pet. I don’t know what that name is, other than the teacher’s victim. For months I dismissed him when he would come home from school and tell me how he was being “picked on” by the teacher. At first I told him, “She can’t be that bad.”
Then his friends started telling stories of outbursts and anger in the classroom from their teacher. Kids called stupid. Kids getting spit on their face from the screaming. Kids going to school tiptoeing until they understood what mood she was in today. Kids being yelled at until they cried – and then they would be allowed to sit down.
Every day was a ticking mood time bomb.
I thought they must be exaggerating. I thought a teacher can't be behaving like that.
I told the boys I was driving to sports training, "Imagine how hard it would be to keep 28 students on track, focused, learning." I gave them "talks" on being respectful, listening, following instructions.
Then the recounting of what was happening in class faded a little and I thought maybe everything was fine.
In his five years at school my son has never been described by other teachers as "the naughty boy" or a boy who needs to "calm down". Even though he has a wide circle of friends, he's quiet and likes to talk and think about the world.
By the last third of the year, the stories dropped in frequency and they were replaced by watery eyes at bedtime.
"Do I have to go to school tomorrow? Please, I don't want to."
He would beg to stay home, obviously upset, trying not to cry. A 10-year-old boy who had never once asked to stay home from school suddenly filled with dread about the next day.
I didn't know how to handle these nights because he'd never been like this before. I never let him take a day off from school. My rationale was you can't run away from your problems. I wondered how bad does it have to be before you contact the school. Is this the line? What evidence do I have? In my 14 years I had never contacted the school to complain about a teacher.
Listen: The presents teachers always receive from their students. (Post continues after audio.)
Then a few weeks ago, a parent from the class came up to me at a school event. She told me she was dropping something off at school the week before and had seen my son being screamed at. She told me she was shocked.
"I hear it happens a lot to him."
I went cold. She has a daughter in the same class.
Another parent had heard the same thing from their child and told me that night too.
I've talked to the teacher (she denied it) and to the school now. I'm not the only person who has "concerns" over this teacher, but beyond that there seemed little they could do.
My son goes off each morning bracing himself. He's counting down the days. He tries to not get anything wrong, he tries to make himself a small target.
Some days it works. Some days it doesn't.
Either way, I don't feel like taking him to the shops this year and buying his teacher a present to thank her.
For the first time in 11 years, buying a present for my child's teacher doesn't feel right. In fact, it feels like a betrayal of my son.
Top Comments
I know exactly how you feel. When our son was in Year 6, he was in an elevated maths class and the teacher who taught that class had a huge problem with him. I handled it the same way you did until our GP, who had a son at the same school called me at home one afternoon. His son, who regarded our son as something of a hero, came home from school crying about something he'd witnessed in the playground, a group of teachers screaming at my son with the chief screamer being the maths teacher.
I went to the school the next day and lodged a complaint and had a meeting with all the teachers involved. When the truth came out, it transpired that our son was defending himself against a bully and he received an apology.
However, the bullying in maths class continued, along with many other incidents, so we had to remove him from the school. What happened next was almost beyond belief: that teacher called the deputy principal at the new school and told him our son was a trouble maker and we his parents, were worse!
Two students from his former school, who were in the same class, came home one day and told their parents that the maths teacher told the class that our son was now causing trouble at his new school and how lucky they were to be rid of him. We approached the principal at his new school and that's when we found out the allegations were lies and that a number of calls had been made in an attempt to make life miserable for our son.
We lodged a formal complaint with the Department of Education. The teacher denied all the allegations but was transferred to one of the worst schools in the Newcastle area. If your child is unhappy, not sleeping, biting his nails suddenly, take it seriously. They're too precious to be screwed up by teachers who should never have entered that profession.
I was that kid I was not cute and cuddly my teacher dragged me by the ears she treated me like hell. When mum finally went in to complain it was a weight off my shoulders. Don't force a gift do go in and say your son is miserable for the first time.