BUMPER FLUFF: Michelle Bridges and the Commando split

1. Michelle Bridges and the Commando split.

The Biggest Loser trainers Michelle Bridges and Steve “Commando” Willis has split less than two months after going public with their relationship.

“Steve and Michelle are no longer dating but remain close friends”, Commando’s rep, Lisa Sullivan confirmed the break up.

“After a difficult few months Steve and his partner are working towards a reconciliation.

According to Sydney Confidential, Willis is back living with Froso, the mother of his two children.

2. Click here to see carrots shaped like feet, tomatoes that look like monsters and other hilariously misshapen vegies that you’d never dream of serving up…

3. NEWSFLASH. The Royal Baby is here!

This week, the Royal Baby was finally born. And even the staunchest of republicans cracked a little smile. Here’s a timeline of how it went down:

MONDAY: The Palace has announced that the Duchess of Cambridge – also known as Kate Middleton – has arrived at the hospital where the royal baby will be born.

This from the website of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge:

Her Royal Highness The Duchess of Cambridge has been admitted to St. Mary’s Hospital, Paddington, London in the early stages of labour.

The Duchess travelled by car from Kensington Palace to the Lindo Wing at St. Mary’s Hospital with The Duke of Cambridge.

TUESDAY: Kensington Palace has announces that the Duchess of Cambridge gave birth to a baby boy at 4.24pm (London time) on July 22.

The baby boy reportedly weighed 8lb 6ozs.

The announcement from the palace read:

Her Royal Highness The Duchess of Cambridge was safely delivered of a son at 4.24pm.

The baby weighs 8lbs 6oz.

The Duke of Cambridge was present for the birth.

The Queen, The Duke of Edinburgh, The Prince of Wales, The Duchess of Cornwall, Prince Harry and members of both families have been informed and are delighted with the news.

Her Royal Highness and her child are both doing well and will remain in hospital overnight.

WEDNESDAY: Tumbleweeds from the Palace while the world continued to celebrate.

THURSDAY: Prince William and Kate Middleton announce that The Prince will be called George Alexander Louis.

The traditional name is likely to have been chosen as a nod to Queen Elizabeth II’s father George VI, who led England during World War II and her grandfather George V. Alexandra is also the Queen’s middle name.

The royal couple were quick to announce the name in comparison with Prince Charles and Lady Diana who waited a week to tell the world what William’s name would be. It took a month for the announcement of baby Prince Charles’ name.

Below are the first pictures of the (adorable!) royal baby, Prince George of Cambridge:

“He’s got a pair of lungs on him, that’s for sure” laughed William with the waiting press, when he introduced his new son to the camera crews and journalists who have been camped out for weeks.

Both the Duke and Duchess seemed in very high spirits, the Duke even joking that he’ll ‘remind him of his tardiness when he’s older, because I know how long you’ve all been standing out here,” when asked why they took so long to leave the hospital (sheesh, give them a break).

The Duke added: “He’s got her looks thankfully!”

Kate said “It’s been very emotional. This is a very special time.”

The most endearing part of the Prince of Cambridge’s first appearance was when William loaded up the car-seat himself, with Mum deciding to sit in the back with bub while Wills drove the trio home. Just like any other new family.

Need more pics? Obviously! Here’s a gallery:

4. Could this be the most easily scared man in the world? Very possibly. Click here to see the hilarious evidence…

5. Helen Mirren: the first words I’d teach my daughter to say would be “fuck off”.

Dame Helen Mirren doesn’t have children but boy do we reckon she’d make a great mother.

She’s told the Mail on Sunday that the first words she’d teach her hypothetical daughter to say would be “fuck off”.

The Dame’s comments were in a direct response to the sexism she endured in the 60s, 70s and 80s in the entertainment industry and the type of abuse British entertainer Jimmy Savile was able to inflict during his time at the BBC network.

The 67-year-old feminist said, “If I’d had children and had a girl, the first words I would have taught her would have been ‘fuck off’ because we weren’t brought up ever to say that to anyone, were we?

“And it’s quite valuable to have the courage and the confidence  to say, ‘No, fuck off, leave me  alone, thank you very much.’”

“You see, I couldn’t help saying ‘Thank you very much’, I just couldn’t help myself.”

You have to love a woman who doesn’t forget her manners when using expletives.

6. These babysitting stories are so funny, weird and jaw-droppingly horrifying you won’t believe they’re true… but they are. Click here to read them.

7. EXCLUSIVE: Asher Keddie/ Nina Proudman as you have never seen her before.

We’ve seen Asher Keddie play Ita Buttrose in Paper Giants: The Birth of Cleo, we’ve seen her play the delightfully scattered Nina Proudman on Offspring but we guarantee you’ve never seen her like this before.

Take a look at the video featuring Offspring’s most elaborate fantasy sequence yet, a pregnant Nina Proudman smoking, throwing back tequila and gasp eating soft cheese and her team of back up dancers, aka the nurses.

To see the extended version of ‘Bad Pregnant’ don’t miss next week’s Offspring, Wednesday 31 July at 8.30pm.

8. Tea fan? Not for much longer – click here to watch the hilarious ad that will make you switch to coffee.

9.What rhymes with awesome? 

If you didn’t like Robin Thicke’s (NSFW) Blurred Lines clip of models bopping around topless and sans pants then chances are this gender-swap parody version will be more to your liking.

US “boylesque” troupe, Mod Carousel, created a gender-swap parody of the music video, which features fully clothed women and men in flesh coloured g-strings and high heels. Take a look:

“It’s our opinion that most attempts to show female objectification in the media by swapping the genders serve more to ridicule the male body than to highlight the extent to which women get objectified and does everyone a disservice,” Mod Carousel explains.

“We made this video to present both women and men in a positive light, one where objectifying men is more than alright and where women can be strong and sexy without negative repercussions.”

10. Porn star James Deen offers his tips for gettin’ hot in the kitchen. Click here to read his surprising advice…

11. This actress really wants to move back to Ramsey Street…

Former Ramsey Street resident Kym Valentine is reportedly suing the show’s producers for alleged sex and disability discrimination.

Fairfax is reporting that Valentine, who played Libby Kennedy on Neighbours between 2004 and 2011, suffered a number of health problems during her time on the show, including a collapsed lung while travelling and a blood clot. She is also believed to have been suffereing from a depressive illness. She took time off for illness at different stages, with Michala Banas even having to take over the role of Libby for a short stint in 2009.

Her contract expired in 2011 and she hasn’t returned to the show since.

Valentine is seeking compensation for lost wages and she is demanding that she be rehired in the role of Libby. Which, let’s be honest, would be kind of awkward.

And will Billy be coming back too?