This post deals with mental health and addiction and may be triggering for some readers.
“John and Micheal have contacted the UN. I have the highest level of government on this. I have video evidence. Make contact and I will drop the fraud charges. They know who you are.”
This was the last text I received from my brother.
There is no John or Micheal. There is no video evidence.
My brother is sick, he has a disease. He is lost and does not want to be found. He usually only contacts me with these paranoid and delusional messages when he hasn’t slept in days. He is an addict that refuses any treatment.
Brad Pitt opens up about addiction. Post continues below.
He is in complete denial that he has a problem in the first place. Even when he threatened to kidnap my child, even when he lost his own children, even when he went to jail.
Regular life was never built for someone like my brother. He cried endlessly as a baby, rebelling against his helplessness from the very beginning. Perhaps his screams came from a psychic ability to predict that life was not going to come easy.
His combination of unbelievable intelligence, arrogance and entitlement proved to be a dangerous formula for his future. It was as if just existing in his own skin was too uncomfortable to bear.
His mind soon formed a rebellion. A rebellion to any expectations or rules. He refused to conform to any box society tried to place him in, instead he chose to escape.
I cannot speak to the world he lives in now. I have no idea how it must be inside his head. I can only speak as his sister; can only tell you how I feel.
I feel helpless. Helpless because there is no place for him. My brother has been homeless, he has been in prison. The main feeling I had when he was in jail was relief. Relief that he wouldn’t be able to come to my house paranoid and out of control. Relief knew I wouldn’t have to lock the doors to protect my children.
I knew he would have a bed. I knew he would be warm and sheltered.
But I also knew this would harden him. It would shape him with more sharp edges. It would build up his walls and his paranoia. It would fuel his hatred towards all authority figures.
I feel frustrated. There is no help provided to those who do not want it. They have to want to get better. To treat their addictions. They have to be a danger to themselves and those around them. When that happens you call, and if they can be found they are taken. Given the punishment. Offered the treatment.