When it comes to figuring out men, it sometimes pays to skip the girl talk and head straight to the source. This column is my advice on your most burning questions about guys. And since I’m gay, I’m kind of halfway inside your head already. Let’s dive in!
This week, you asked:
“I’m in a fairly new relationship with a guy, and it’s going really well. But I was over at his house the other week and found something uncomfortable. He said I could use his laptop to do a few things for work, and at one point I went into ‘history’ to go back to a site I had been on. When I clicked, I saw a few sites. They were pages about having a breastfeeding fetish. He had clearly been Googling it and had visited a number of pages about it. I feel weird… because I definitely don’t have the same fetish, and I can’t work out if it’s a little… objectifying? There’s also the chance that he was Googling it for another reason, maybe because he had heard about it somewhere and was just curious. Should I broach it with him? Are fetishes that aren’t shared by both partners a deal-breaker? Help!”
The most successful relationships have one thing in common: honest communication.
No matter how uncomfortable or strange the topic may seem to you, the long-term success of your relationship relies on your ability to discuss these types of issues with your partner in real-time.
You’re right when you say “there’s a chance he was Googling it for another reason”. It is possible that he was just doing research, but you’ll never know unless you ask. So stop overanalysing and get it off your chest.
Diving headfirst into a potential sexual fetish may make him uncomfortable, so I’d bring up the broader topic of sex first. You want to come across as non-accusatory, so ask if there’s anything you can do to spice things up in the bedroom.
Top Comments
Not all, if it was a fetish it would not be found in his site history, so clearly this is a ruse to lead you astray. It's a common wily move.
To uncover the real culprit, may I suggest you search for the folder called "Important tax information" with 18,000 files usually hidden 6 layers deep typically using the structure
Second folder: "Nothing to see here"
Third folder: "Really, it's nothing. Move along"
Fourth folder: "Why are you still here. Check my history first"
Fifth folder: "Oh Gawd I'm sweating stop already"
Trust me - I'm an IT professional, I know these things.
Actually the most important factor in a relationship isn’t open communication, it’s trust. That’s the bedrock of any kind of relationship and in this new one you went straight to snooping on false premises with his laptop. It really irks me how some women just completely dismiss responsibility for their own actions. What? She accidentally started clicking through his browser history? What right to privacy did she attribute to her partner? How would she feel if he borrowed her phone and started going through her contacts and messages? Would be reading an article on how he is a controlling creep and she should get away from him if he did it?
As for her inappropriately obtained information, when it comes to fetishes and fantasy, just don’t do it people. Women’s bore us and ours disgust women.