HOLLY WAINWRIGHT: Inspired by Jonah Hill, I have set some boundaries for my children.

Hey, kids of mine. Boundaries are so hot right now. SHRN? You tell me. 

You might have heard (I hope you have not) that a famous actor has allegedly had private messages leaked by his former girlfriend and found himself exposed as a bit of a d**k. You can read all about it, here. (Please don't.) 

Anyway, I was inspired. It's time, after more than a decade of bringing up you glorious little buggers, that I set some boundaries for you. 

And, just like everyone suspects about the famous actor, when I say boundaries, I mean rules. And when I say for you, I mean to benefit me. 

It's pretty simple. 

If you need:

To pick your nose in public. 

To follow me into the bathroom. 

To tell everyone how old I am at every school-parent event.

To decide today is the day we finally reject shoes entirely.

To continue to insist I don't cut the onion small enough in spaghetti bolognese. 

To leave all discarded clothes, including your underwear, in an ever-evolving mountain range spreading across an assortment of floors. 

To wear a tank top on a cold day and a fleece hoodie on a hot one.  

To yell 'Mum!' from the other side of the house at ever-increasing volume without ever moving closer.

To leave a half-drunk smoothie by your bed until it turns to cottage cheese. 

To ask for a snack the second you walk in the door.

To insist that snack is not an apple. 

To feign a stomach ache the moment someone says the word 'chores'.

To call me when I'm in a work meeting to ask me to put money on your Spriggy to buy a boba. 

To insist there is nothing to do when you have an entire room full of Lego, books, art supplies, balls, puzzles...

To refuse to confess that what you actually mean is that you are not allowed on a screen right now.  

To rate the dog's farts. 

To not eat anything green.

To buy Robux on my credit card, despite me trying and failing to block that feature four times.

To tell your teacher Mum's 'too busy' for homework, while telling me the school never sets any. 

To beg me for 'another five minutes' on the iPad for five hours of five minutes. 

To beg me for another friend sleepover that involves no sleep and is seemingly never over. 

To beg me for a Pokemon pack every time a newsagent looms. 

To rifle through that thing at warp speed and declare it the deadest $8 ever spent. 

To decide you need my assistance urgently the moment I sit down and pick up a glass.

To eat five bites of dinner, insist you are full, and ask, five minutes later, if there's anything else. 

To wipe your cheek in disgust after I steal a kiss after waiting on your arse all day. 

To cringe at my singing. (No, of course I don't do it on purpose, whenever your friends are in the car. It's just the vibe.) 

If these things bring you to a place of happiness, I support it and there will be no hard feelings. These are the boundaries for my romantic parental partnership.

My boundaries with you are based on the way these actions have hurt our trust. 

Thank you. 

Holly Wainwright is an Executive Editor at Mamamia and the host of Mamamia Out Loud. She also writes books. You can find them, here. 

Feature Image: Mamamia.