I thought I was over all of the blended family bullshit issues but I’m not. Sometimes it seems like I’m never going to out from under it and almost twenty years later it’s starting to wear a little bloody thin.
As the “new wife” I have forever been cast into the role of “interloper” when it comes to my husband’s first family, not by his mother or his beautiful boys, but by his children’s mother and all of her posse. This is despite the fact I have always done whatever I could to be respectful of her in thought and deed.
I needn’t have bothered
I may as well have told her how I really felt about her which is that I think she is crazy and delusional and so intent on playing the victim that she can’t even bring herself to do what is right by her own children, like attending their engagement parties and weddings.
So far she hasn’t turned up to several family events just because I might be there.
Families can be so complicated. As part of our Mamamia Confessions series we asked, “What’s the worst thing your in laws have ever done? Article continues after this video.
Last time I checked I wasn’t some sort of deranged mistress. I simply fell in love with a man who had been separated from his wife for four years. Each of them had different partners at the time. He eventually broke up with his to date me.
I didn’t bust in on a happy family and steal the man using my feminine wiles. I just started dating a work colleague, fell in love, we got married and now we have kids of our own.
A New Theory Emerges At William Tyrrell Inquest
The Quicky
Top Comments
Yes there are 3 sides to every story but some people are clearly still hurt by their parent’s or ex spouses (or family member) decisions. And there is nothing wrong with that, but these comments seem a tad bit immature..
Maybe you've done something unconsciously that pissed the mom off..maybe? But in reality, as an adult we should be able to talk and either come to common terms or learn to agree to disagree. You don’t have to be BFFs, but you do have to find a place of mutual respect in order to have some level of peace. In what I’ve seen, blended families don't generally work unless one of the parents is a deadbeat or you have two mature individuals who have COMPLETELY moved on. I think a lot of issues come when someone is still hanging on to a thread of “we could possibly work” and that’s the starting point of a lot of the drama. Why care so much that your ex has moved on? Is their new partner respecting boundaries and your children? If so…there shouldn't really be an issue.
I'm in a situation where I've been dating a guy with an ex-wife and 5 year old. They were over when she was 2 and I met him right before her 3rd birthday. Like you, I was probably not the 1st, 2nd, or 3rd person he dated after the divorce. I also COMPLETELY understand what you mean about the boys having trouble with their feelings for you...my BF's daughter liked me until the mom threatened and damaged some of my personal property in front of her. It's still a mystery why her mom decided that was how our first meeting should have played out. I only managed to say a few things to her and then stood in awe as she had a full on temper tantrum. She has since been charged with a misdemeanor malicious destruction of property (so the jury didn't understand this behavior either) and is now responsible for paying me back, going to anger management, and staying away from me. Now his daughter won’t even look my way, she doesn’t even show me the slightest respect (e.g. simple hi and bye), and told me my Christmas gifts to her sucked and her mom’s were better. I'm not complaining or losing any sleep over it because she's 5 and doesn't fully understand wrong from right. Thankfully my BF is sensitive to this and steps in and corrects her behavior when she is disrespectful. The mom even went as far as telling the daughter that I was trying to send her to jail…accepting zero responsibility for her actions. So it's no wonder I'm seen as the enemy. However, that incident should’ve been a teaching moment where she let her daughter know that is not the correct way to behave or there are consequences, jail being one.
Bottom line “everyone” hates the new wife/GF because we are outsiders and have a different perspective. Sometimes no one really hates us, but it FEELS like they do so we adjust our behaviors based on our perceptions…Sometimes we can see things that people involved in the daily drama can't because they are too involved. Sometimes there is a real reason, and maybe we’ve overstepped a boundary or 2 or 10.
Then there is the whole controversial mindset that "kids should come first"...in what world does that happen and end in a successful relationship? My parents have been married for 37 years and my mother always told me that when I grew up and left the house she would still have to be a wife. My mom knew how to prioritize her role as wife and mother yet all of my needs as her child were always met. I didn't always understand this but it’s clear now that I’m in this situation. Putting kids first in any relationship is the quickest way to a break up or divorce! Yes, child(ren) should be a priority but they do not need to be the very first priority. Research has even shown, to raise healthy kids, put your marriage first and your kids second. If you don’t ever make your relationship a priority you will probably not ever get to the marriage part. Ok, so what if you don’t want to get married and you’re happy being a single parent? You still need to make yourself a priority and then you are able to make the best decisions and be the best you for your kid or kids at that point. Perfect example is when airlines tell adults to put their oxygen masks on before assisting the children flying with them… if you run yourself into the ground, who will parent your kids?!