Blake Lively has launched a very fancy and confusing new website that we don't understand.

Okay you guys, Blake Lively (one-time Gossip Girl person, one of the official sisters of the Travelling Pants, daily toucher of Ryan Reynolds‘ special place) has launched a… a… website?

How can you not be sure it’s a website?

Well, it’s definitely a website, we’re just not sure which kind. We think it may be a shopping website? A lifestyle website? A portal to a parallel universe where salt costs $10?

Whatever it is, it’s called ‘Preserve’ and it’s kind of like Lively’s version of Goop (the website Gwyneth Paltrow uses to sell people $5000 asparagus soap).

Here’s a picture of Blake Lively writing so you know that she is involved:

I don’t know, looks kind of snooty. I’m selective with my clicks. Is it worth me going there?

How about we offer up some highlights so you can be better informed to make a decision:

– This is how Preserve describes itself:

“America is full of tales waiting to be told. There are beautiful stories hiding in small towns and big cities, on suburban streets and rural roads. Great wisdom lives in the well-worked hands of ageing craftspeople and in the eager words of young artisans. Our very history is whispered into the materials they use to make exquisite goods according to timeless standards of quality and care. That is the tradition we aim to preserve.”

So… That’s pretty clear then.

– The word ‘artisan’ is used. A LOT. For example:

– The shopping section sells homewares. Made by ‘artisans’. The cheapest item is a $7 bottle of tomato sauce. The most expensive is a $450 crystal bowl that holds a single flower.

– There is an article on ‘the art of writing letters’, that stresses the importance of taking the time to choose the right stamp for your envelope.

– Another artisan:

– There are very confusing instructions on the right way to have a barbecue:

“Preparations for the fête champêtre hatch in the spirit of simplicity: Bid some courtly dudes and dope-looking damsels hither, stock the larder with beauteous burgers (beef, turkey or veggie), augment the ale supply and call forth a noble disc jockey.”

– Preserve has figured out that poverty is a thing:

“We are aware that a lot of what we are selling is outlandish in a world where people are starving and have nowhere to sleep. This is a real problem. One that even on our high horse we can’t ignore. This is our community. Each of ours.”

– Another artisan:

– There is a Sundae description more far up its own arse than any thing has ever been up any arse:

– More artisans

– More artisans

– More artisans

That’s it? I still don’t get it. WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?

Well… It can pretty much be boiled down to a very hipster website designed to sell you very hipster things made by very hipster artisans. The articles seem to just be window dressing to get you to click on/buy $7 tomato sauce. It’s also quite possibly an adoption service looking to connect rich white ladies with penniless artisans.

Do with this information what you will.

Seriously though.

Maybe it’s just one of those things: You either get it, or you don’t.

I don’t.

Then you’re clearly not PRESERVE.