One of my best friends has been embroiled in a heart-wrenching child custody dispute for the past couple of years and I have done my best to be there for her, even though I don’t have any experience with anything remotely like this.
She asks me for advice but I don’t know what to say.
She seeks reassurance that she’s doing the right thing. What do I say?
Our friendship has suffered under the strain of this. She tries her best to be interested in my life however all of her time and energy is focused on coping with the possibility that she may one day lose her daughter.
The custody battle between she and her ex-husband has raged on for so long, too long, however last night it became worse than it has ever been before.
I received a phone call from my friend, asking if I would hide her daughter from her ex.
My friend had been advised to collect her daughter because her ex-husband had written in an email that he intended to violate the custody orders that had been in place for the past six months.
She was told to pick her daughter up and to refuse her ex access due to his intended violation of the custody orders and to head back to court for more hellish wrangling over their precious child.
Because she had to go to work she wanted to drop her daughter off at my home so her ex wouldn’t be able to locate her.
I didn’t know what to say. I was shocked. I wanted to say “no” but she started sobbing so I found myself going along with her request. It turned out that she only needed me to help out for a couple of hours while her new husband was at work. I reminded her that I would be working the next day and I would have to leave her daughter with my husband who would be working from home. I tried to make it sound as though I wanted to help but hoped she’d take the hint and think of another way.
She eventually decided on an alternative arrangement and I was so relieved. I couldn’t wait to get off the phone. I should have called her today to find out if she is okay, to see if she was able to successfully implement her plan, but I can’t bring myself to.
I don’t want a bar of it.
The moment we knew it was time for a divorce. Post continues after this video…
If I’m totally honest, I resent the fact she is involving me in her child custody dispute. At the same time I really feel for her. Nobody should have to face the possibility of losing access to their child and I know her ex. She has good reason to be worried. He’s a real prick. A real piece of work.
Still, I don’t want to get involved. I feel selfish, but I have my own problems, very real problems. I also don’t want to do anything I might get into trouble for.
The last time she was leaning on me a little too much, getting angry with me when I dared not to agree with her chosen course of action, she almost ended our friendship. She was too caught up in her own emotions to understand mine.
While I’m glad to have gotten out of getting involve this time, I’m worried she’ll try and lean on me in this way again.
I’m also worried that I’ll have her ex banging down my door.
**Details have been changed to protect the identity of those involved.
Top Comments
I understand where the writer is coming from, I've been in the same position as her friend.
My ex fought tooth and nail for full custody (I have no idea why), while I pressed for shared, knowing he would tire of them and give up even that (proven correct). When he was given half custody, 9 times out of 10 he wouldn't show up. He didn't feed them properly, he would leave them with teenage babysitters most nights because he was "busy working" (bs), and any argument we had over the kids he would say (in front of them) "I don't even know for sure that they're mine". Our marriage ended because of HIS numerous infidelities, not mine. Yeah, piece of work.
When your life is a war zone and you're worried about the safety of your kids, you need your friends more than ever. I lost some friends in the process of my divorce, but at least it showed me who the real friends are!
I bet she doesn't refuse his child support payments.
I hate parents that do this. My brother is going through a horrid time with his ex. The children are in therapy for parental alienation syndrome. His ex has managed to convince their daughter that he intends to kidnap, rape and murder her. It's disgusting to deny a parent the right to see their child.
If a parent has been violent or has a history of abuse then of course they shouldn't be allowed access to their children. But when they are a loving parent, it's wrong.