The 5 most bizarre findings from the FBI's official investigation into Bigfoot.

Cue the X Files music.

It turns out there is a real life, actual FBI investigation into the existence of Bigfoot. We sh*t you not.

The FBI today unlocked its Freedom of Information Act vault to reveal its findings on Bigfoot, the mythical ape-like beast that supposedly dwells in the Pacific Northwest wilderness shedding clumps of hair and leaving enormous footprints like a giant, messy, forest housemate.

The ~official Bigfoot files~ reveal that once upon a time, the Feds actually tested some hairs of unknown origin sent in by a fellow named Peter Byrne, the director of a society entirely devoted to proving Bigfoot’s existence (one of several such societies in the US, because of course).

The very official yet entirely bizarre correspondence from the mid-70s has given us a lot to ponder (mainly: huh?) so here, we present you with:

Five of the most cooked findings from the FBI’s Bigfoot investigation.

(A sentence we never thought we’d write in our lives).

The FBI is regularly sent requests to analyse potential Bigfoot hair.

Is Bigfoot OK? He seems to be losing a lot of hair.

While the letters outline the FBI are often sent random hairs potentially belonging to forest beasts (ew), they agreed to fulfil Peter’s request for some reason.

Maybe because his letters were exceptionally polite.

We can only assume this means the FBI will test any hair sample we may wish to know the origin of if we use the magic word (the magic word here being “Bigfoot”).

Yes, this means they can definitely get to the bottom of who used your hairbrush without asking.*

(*They probably won’t).

The strategic blurring-out of “Special Agent BLANK”.

Special Agents Mulder and Scully is that you?

X Files jokes aside, does this mean there is a quadrant of the FBI purely dedicated to investigating cases of a mythical nature?

If so, where are you at with your Yeti findings?

When the Bigfoot conspirator had to specify that his letter was NOT a hoax.

The bulk of the records in question show correspondence between the FBI and Peter Byrne, director of the Bigfoot Information Centre and Exhibition, which is apparently supported by the Academy of Applied Sciences in Boston. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

In this snippet from the letter, he effectively asks the FBI to stop laughing and please test his hair clump. Please.

“Will you kindly, to set the record straight, once and for all, inform us if the FBI has examined hair which might be that of a Bigfoot; when this took place, if it did take place; what the results of the analysis were,” wrote Byrne, asking if the FBI had ever hunted Bigfoot in the past (they hadn't).

“Please understand that our research here is serious,” he added.

When the Bigfoot conspirator ASKED FOR THE HAIR SAMPLE BACK.

After the FBI kindly informed Byrne those 15 hairs attached to a tiny piece of skin actually belonged to a deer, he seemingly asked for them to be sent back.

Sir, WHY DO YOU WANT THE CLUMP OF HAIR AND SKIN?

That's weird.

The fact that it was a goddamn deer.

“It was concluded as a result of these examinations that the hairs are of deer family origin,” wrote FBI Scientific and Technical Services Division Assistant Director Jay Cochran, Jr in what must have been a career highlight.

So it turns out either Bigfoot has the same hair as a deer, or the hairs were not in fact from the body of a mythic ape.

...Or is there something they're not telling us?

Stay tuned for the inevitable Netflix true crime special.