'I reviewed 7 vibrators in 7 days. Here's what happened.'

Now, I’m not big on ‘rules’ but there is one I like to live by, which is this:

Start each day with an orgasm.

Hear me out, ok? More than me being just a bit of a tart, masturbation has an absolute wealth of benefits. I find getting a cab (or two) off the rank each AM means it’s pretty damn difficult NOT to have a good day! 

Watch: 5 unexpected methods of orgasm. Post continues after video.

With a belter climax all up in my mornings achievements, I feel relaxed, confident, calm, happy, patient, creative, clear minded and generally - just like an absolute queen! 

And if I’m hungover, or feel a migraine coming on, it’s completely, utterly non-negotiable, since an orgasm is a proven analgesic - capable of alleviating pain!

There’s also that little spring in your step, sparkle in your eye and flush in your cheeks, making you look as radiant as you feel. And I swear that a big, breathless, butt-clenching climax even tones up your abs and firms your arse… is there anything it can’t do? 

Orgasms are the absolute best! And if it’s been a while since you romanced yourself, I wholeheartedly implore you to get amongst it.

Beauty writer by day, dildo fairy by night, I get an absolute crap-tonne of DM’s asking for vibrator recommendations, and honestly? Where to start?!

There isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach, there are, frankly, an overwhelming amount of options, and women’s bodies and brains respond to different things.

At the risk of getting way too familiar with a total stranger, I typically respond with: “Well how do you usually come?” and once we’ve swapped secrets and become newly minted BFF’s, I’ll go from there.

Figuring there’s probably some sort of gap in the market when it comes to sex toy suggestions, I’ve compiled this list of my fave 'intimate devices' - categorised by how you like to get off. So, now we can be BFF’s, too!

If oral is your jam: Satisfyer Pro 2, $64.99.

Without a shadow of a doubt, get the Satisfyer Pro 2. Remember THIS article? Yep, no less than 8 orgasms did it give me, and it’s recently been relaunched in a sexy, matte black. This is the world’s best-selling stimulator and trust me when I say it is absolutely necessary.

If you FROTH on a fingering: Bliss Wand Massager, $65.99.

For some, the simulated suckers don’t quite cut it and they just want a bit of good old-fashioned external action. The Bliss Wand gives broad coverage and has a flexible neck for optimal maneuvering. 

Also, can I just add - LOVE a multipurpose product, and this also doubles as a legit massager for achy muscles, an excellent way to clear clogged ducts if you’re breastfeeding AND a pretend microphone for impromptu karaoke! 

I also know someone who, er, pops it into her newborns bassinet for sweet, sweet humming sounds / vibrations to help get the baby off to sleep. 

Can’t put a price on that!

When you wanna get all up in your G: VUSH X ABBIE G-Spot Vibrator, $134.99.

So when I first got this VUSH X ABBIE G-Spot Vibrator I had no idea who Abbie Chatfield was, but I figured I’d let her do me. I was heaps curious to try out this toy as while I was pretty positive I couldn’t come via penetration I had heard really, really good things. 

All I can say, now, is this: Abbie knows what she’s doing, and you should probably put down a towel... 

With its bulbous, textured tip, it definitely hits the spot.

If you dig double trouble: Lelo Enigma, $215.99.

Unapologetic greedy bitch here - I personally wanna have it ALL. The Lelo Enigma is shaped just so - the vibrating, flexible shaft snuggles riiiiight up against your g-spot while its sonic wave technology stimulates your clit. 

The first time I used this I legitimately considered drop-kicking all my other toys into the bin - it is THAT good.

When you just want good vibes: KISS Bullet, $35.99.

Do NOT underestimate this ‘lil guy like I did. Small, but mighty, this KISS Bullet is easily the most fun I’ve had in ages. An epic pocket rocket, and dinky enough to be easily used externally during penetrative, partnered sex. 

While we’re on the subject, a few words to the wise: Life is too short to shack up with a dude that feels threatened by a bit of battery operated silicone. Get yourself a man who sees sex toys as an ally, not an enemy.

When you want to be at it like rabbits: Lelo Ina Wave 2, $242.99.

Rabbits have come a loooooong way since the hard, plastick-y, silver ball bearing relics of the early noughties, and I, for one, am thrilled they’re now USB rechargeable and I no longer have to nick AA batteries from all the remotes. 

They are not all made equal, though, and out of the five that I own, the Lelo Ina Wave 2 has got to be my favourite. The ‘wave’ part of its name comes from the internal stroking action which legitimately feels like being in the arms of an experienced lover. Yassss.

And sometimes you just need a dick appointment: Desire, $35.99.

So this one’s fun! Desire has no bells or whistles, it’s just a straight up 6.9' dildo. I was single for two years and though I definitely sorted myself out plenty during that time, I really did miss the feeling of partner sex. I could happily have called in the whole man disposal service once I discovered this bad boy, though. 

It has a suction base so you can attach it (securely!) to any flat surface… walls, chairs, shower tiles, the floor… get it, girl! It’s also compatible with a harness, so can be utilised during couple play, too.

It definitely wasn’t easy narrowing my collection down to a mere seven favourites, but I certainly enjoyed the diligent and dedicated “research” that went into getting here! 

It’s a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it!

Follow Carly on Instagram for more of the two S’s: skincare, and sex toys! @_carly_sophia_

Feature image: @_carly_sophia_