We've just found the best obituary of all time.

Obituaries are usually sombre, morbid or sad.

Not this one.

This  tribute to Mary ‘Pat’ Stocks, a 94-year-old mother of four who died on July 1, is bloody hilarious.

It begins:

"She left behind a hell of a lot of stuff to her daughter and sons who have no idea what to do with it."

So if you're looking for 2 extremely large TV's from the 90s, a large ceramic stork (we think) umbrella/cane stand, a toaster oven (slightly used) or even a 2001 Oldsmobile with a spoiler (she loved putting the pedal to the metal), with only 71,000 kilometers and 1,000 tools that we aren't sure what they're used for. You should wait the appropriate amount of time and get in touch.

Tomorrow would be fine."

The obit appeared in Canada's newspaper The Star. Pat's son Sandy includes a disclaimer that it's not a pawn shop ad - they just want to get rid of her stuff.

Sandy told Buzzfeed Canada his sister originally planned to write the obituary. When she was too upset, he took the matter into his own hands. “I told them, I’m going to write it and it’s not going to be an ordinary obit."

He didn't lie.

Watch Sandy's interview with CTV below. Post continues after video.

The obituary says Pat left behind a 'very dysfunctional family' but one she was 'very proud of' ... then outlines some of Pat's finest attributes. Such as her lack of patience and knack for 'telling it like it is'.

"Everyone always knew where you stood with her. She liked you or she didn't, it was black or white. As her children we are still trying to figure out which one it was for us (we know she loved us)."

But Pat, like the rest of us, did have her flaws.

"She was a master cook in the kitchen. She believed in overcooking everything until it chewed like rubber so you would never get sick because all germs would be nuked. Freezing germs also worked, so by Friday our school sandwiches were hard and chewy, but totally germ free.
All four of us learned to use a napkin. You would pretend to cough, spit the food into it and thus was born the Stocks diet.
If anyone would like a copy of her homemade gravy, we would suggest you don't."

Pat's obituary has been making waves around the world. The Star's guest book is now filled with 82 pages and 813 entries of tributes to the woman who had four dogs called 'Tag, Tag, Tag and Tag.'

The obit concludes:

"A private family 'Celebration of Life' will be held, in lieu of a service, due to her friends not being able to attend, because they decided to beat her to the Pearly Gates. Please note her change of address to her new place of residence, St John's York Mills Anglican Church, 19 Don Ridge Drive, 12 doors away from Shelley's place."

Pat, unfortunately we never had the chance to meet during your time on earth, but you sound like one hell of a woman.

What do you think of this obituary? Let us know in the comments.

You can read the full obit here.

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