'We had to consider the worst-case scenario.' When your friend becomes your surrogate.

After 16 unsuccessful rounds of IVF over eight years, entrepreneur and author Lisa Messenger is finally going to be a mum, thanks to her friend and surrogate, writer Sarah Megginson.

The women met through work 12 years ago when Lisa was looking for a property editor.

"I called to cancel my very first meeting with Lisa because my husband had to work and I didn't have anyone to look after my baby," Sarah tells Leigh Campbell and Tegan Natoli on this week's episode of This Glorious Mess. 

"And Lisa said, 'Just bring the baby with you.' And I thought, 'Oh, she seems like a really nice person! We had our first meeting, it kicked off a beautiful working relationship, and it also kicked off a beautiful friendship as well."

Listen to this episode of This Glorious Mess with Lisa and Sarah. Post continues below.

Mum-of-three Sarah tells Mamamia that being a surrogate was something she had been curious about for years. She says the experience of pregnancy also fascinated her.

"I'm a journalist and curiosity is my whole career, and understanding the 'why' behind things always gets me going. I had three kids and all of them were easy [to conceive]. But around me, my network was full of people who had fertility challenges.

"I am also in awe of the miracle of pregnancy. Like, right now, I have this embryo inside me and it doesn't even have my DNA - it absolutely blows my mind!"

While pregnant with her third child, Sarah says she spoke to her husband David more seriously about becoming a surrogate.

"I was imagining while he [baby Jesse] was kicking and moving: if this wasn't [genetically] my baby, would I be able to hand it over? And I really concluded that I could, and it has been at the back of my mind since then.

"So when I came to my husband to say that I'd been chatting with Lisa and maybe I could be her surrogate, it wasn't a complete surprise to him because of the discussions we'd had in the past.

"My motivation for it is purely balancing out the scales; my uterus works, so why not try to put it to good use?"

Mum-to-be Lisa tells Mamamia that before Sarah helped make her dreams of motherhood a reality, she had been through 16 rounds of IVF alongside her partner Stevan. Apart from the emotional devastation that comes with being told you are 'not pregnant' 16 times, Lisa estimates she has injected herself 480 times and spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to have her longed-for baby.

But back in 2018 when she was still only in the early days of her journey with IVF, she caught up with Sarah, who offered to be her surrogate.

"At that point I was like, 'Oh, wow, that's amazing but no, thanks," Lisa tells Leigh and Tegan.

"I couldn't even conceive of it then. But it has been a long journey to this point... the seed of the idea was sown!"

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A post shared by Lisa Messenger (@lisamessenger)

A year ago almost to the day, Lisa was in her home in Bangalow, northern NSW, when the devastating floods took hold. After getting involved with the media campaign to do what she could to help, Lisa did an interview with David, Sarah's husband, who is a Gold Coast radio host. Following the on-air chat, she got a surprise message from Sarah to see how she was doing.

"Sarah texted me afterwards and said, 'Hey, you were just on the radio with my hubby, and by the way, how's the IVF going?' And I replied to say, 'Not great, still want to be a surrogate?' - and she said she was interested!

"It's pretty nuts how the universe works with the right things happening at the right time and place. And that's really where we both got pretty serious about it. At that point, I think I'd done 15 rounds of IVF or maybe even my 16th, and I was pretty done by then."

Lisa decided it was time to chat about it the idea more seriously with her partner, Stevan. And once they had decided on the path to working with Sarah as their surrogate, there were a lot more legal, emotional and logistical hoops the friends had to jump through.

"Firstly, we had to have a counselling session together with both of our partners, which lasted about three hours," Lisa says.

"We had to make sure that Sarah's husband, David was on board and my partner Stevan was on board, and we had to think about all the potential mishaps, and that was pretty full on."

Sarah says they had to do a lot of psychological testing, as well as having some pretty challenging conversations around her physical health and working out what they would do in certain scenarios.

"I had a hernia and I had some hernia surgery that required my abs to be stitched back together, and my surgeon said I can't have twins. So then we had to have very real conversations, to consider the absolute worst-case scenario, which for me would be to end up pregnant with twins and then having to reduce one. I literally am getting teary just thinking about it. That would just be horrible.

"Just going through all these questions and scenarios; it has been a very intimate experience from the beginning."

A counsellor prepared a report for the fertility clinic and both couples had to work with their own lawyers to prepare an official contractual agreement, mainly to ensure that all parties understand that the baby legally belongs to Lisa and Stevan after Sarah gives birth.

Sarah also had to have several scans to check she was healthy and ready to carry another baby.

"I had to have a few procedures to make sure my womb was clean and didn't have polyps. All up, it was about three to four months of psychological, legal and physical processes before we even started the IVF."

Lisa tells Leigh and Tegan that it was much like the usual process of IVF, but that there were a few more "checkpoints" and scans along the way. The first round of IVF (number 17 for Lisa) resulted in a pregnancy but sadly it didn't go beyond five weeks. They tried again in the following cycle. The implantation on November 11, 2022 went well and the next two weeks were a nerve-wracking wait.

"It was very surreal at first," Sarah says.

"We got the positive result but then we had to wait for the HCG levels to grow, and after experiencing the miscarriage first time around, we were very cautious. At about 13 weeks was when we both felt like, 'Oh my God' we might actually have a baby!'"

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A post shared by Lisa Messenger Baby (@mummyatlast)

After waiting for so long to hear 'you're pregnant', Lisa says she wasn't really sure what happened next.

"I mean, it sounds ridiculous, but over eight years, I was so focused on that phone call. I had no idea about obstetricians or scans, but I think I had not allowed my head to go there and so I was like, 'is this really happening?' And then we told Stevan's mum and our parents."

As the pregnancy reaches the 21 week milestone, Sarah and Lisa are getting ready for what happens next and making sure Sarah is as comfortable as possible.

"You can't pay surrogates in Australia," Lisa says. "But I can shower her in love and pay for every single medical expense, maternity clothes, pregnancy massages; basically anything Sarah needs."

Once this treasured baby boy is earth-side in August, Lisa says that Sarah will be the "favourite aunty" and as they live so close, they plan on being friends for the long haul.

"We only live an hour and 20 minutes away from each other," Lisa says.

"I think I speak for both of us when I say that we have the most extraordinary relationship and we'll be in each other's lives forever. It's just so exciting."

To keep up with Lisa and Sarah's surrogacy pregnancy story, check out their Instagram account @mummyatlast

Laura Jackel is Mamamia's Family Writer. For links to her articles and to see photos of her outfits and kids, follow her on Instagram and TikTok.

Feature Image: Supplied.

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