Image: Don’t like sharing your lipstick? Too late. (Image via Thinkstock)
Your body is not the only thing that changes after you have a baby. Your beauty routine does too, because you’re never alone in your bathroom and you have no time.
Remember the days of luxuriating in the bath or cranking up the music while you spend a satisfying 25 minutes trying to perfect a make-up trick you saw in a magazine?
BAHAHAHAHAHHAAA.
How times change. Here are the beauty truths only mothers can understand.
1. Your bikini line is now something for public commentary. “My mummy has a hairy front bum” is something every child will announce, usually in a supermarket queue.
2. Having to answer these and 100 other questions while putting on makeup or doing your hair: “What actually happens when you die? What rocks are made of? Where do farts go when you can’t smell them anymore?”
3. Eye makeup remover is the best way to remove lipstick from all over your child’s face. Also from the carpet and the dog.
4. Red lipstick and black eyeliner are the best way to create realistic looking scars and wounds. Particularly useful at Halloween.
5. You no longer associate the word ‘bath’ with relaxation or peace. Instead, you associate it with 37 bath toys and an inevitable tantrum when it’s time to wash hair.
6. Doing your makeup takes twice as long because your children want to play with all the brushes / EVERYTHING YOU OWN.
7. Eyeshadow is a bitch to get out of tiles when someone drops it on the floor and it smashes into a thousand powdery pieces.
8. You will be judged when you take your 2-year-old to the nail salon, even though you just really needed to get a pedicure and that’s what iPads were invented for.