Mamamia recaps Beauty and the Geek: SO. MANY. MAKEOVERS.

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I know, for a fact, I'm not the only one wishing we could fast forward through the episode until we get to see the geeks' makeover reveals, but sigh, that's not how free-to-air television works.

THEY BETTER BE WORTH THE WAIT!

Ok, ew. We open on worms wriggling around Eliza and Kiera's apartment.

Then suddenly we're in an #ad for Fantastic Furniture??

This episode is off to a weird start.

Everyone is out here giving each other presents: Sam came baring the gift of free furniture with advertising strings attached. Mitchell gifts Ashleigh a SUPER CUTE cat toy which represents their journey (sob!) and Eliza gifts Alex... herself rapping.

Kiera tags along to offer the weakest 'beat boxing' in the history of the world. Alex must feel pity, because he joins in with a much superior beatbox. 

Image: Nine.

Look. I would never advise anyone who is... not a rapper... to rap. But all in all... this is wholesome af.

OH.

Suddenly Erin Molan is on TV to announce the beauties and geeks will be the halftime show at an NRL game tonight.

They start to panic, but I've been to plenty of sports games in my time and can tell them with certainty that no one cares about the halftime show.

Halftime only exists so you can use the bathroom and buy more beefs in plastic cups.

Anyway, they'll be working as two teams of beauties and geeks rather than their pairs for this time around and LOOK AT MITCH TAKING A LEADERSHIP ROLE IN THE GEEKS' PLANNING.

I mean. It's mostly because he's panicking the most. But proud of him.

Lachy comes in and nails some lyrics for the geeks' performance, because he's a walking sports encyclopedia remember! 

It's game time and I know this was filmed months ago but all I can think is SUPER SPREADER EVENT.

Yikes. Image: Nine.

The beauties go first and it's fine. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

But then it's the geeks' turn, and it's the most gloriously chaotic thing I've ever seen.

Mitchell is yelling. Sam is breakdancing. Lachy is yelling and engaging the new almost-star jump skills her learned last week. Alex juggles neon balls. Pink Panther George does flips. Superman James does miscellaneous body movements.

It's a hot mess.

WHAT. Image: Nine.

IS. Image: Nine.

HAPPENING. Image: Nine.

I LOVE IT.

Lachy wins, meaning he and Kiera are safe from elimination. 

OKAY. 

COOL.

SO IT SURELY MUST BE MAKEOVER TIME NOW RIGHT??????????

Oh, are you kidding me??

First, Alex and Eliza and Mitchell and Ashleigh are named as the bottom pairs and we have to sit through the elimination challenge.

In this challenge, they have to... move cylinders. And then stack them. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

IS THERE A REASON THIS COULDN'T HAPPEN AFTER THE MAKEOVERS?

If it's a budget issue, honestly Channel Nine, I would've sat through another 30 seconds of the covert furniture ad!

Alex and Eliza create a decent lead until knocking their pyramid while trying to place their final one. 

So we have to... continue watching this a little longer.

Alex and Eliza finally win, meaning sweet angels Mitchell and Ashleigh are eliminated literally one ad break before the makeovers.

Channel Nine, I cannot believe you robbed us of seeing a made-over Mitch.

Ok, ok. 

Settle in pals.

IT'S FINALLY TIME.

All the beauties give the geeks pep talks etc. etc. etc. but come on, we have waited long enough.

Oh god, poor Lachy is getting a spray tan and Sam has given him a heads up on what it's... like. Which I assume basically means... he knows about the tiny fabric g-string. And the fact we're all about to see his arse.

And... yup. We sure do.

Alex is getting his back waxed.

Look. I don't know if this is sadistic of me, but watching him experience the pain of waxing is... fun.

Petition for all men to go through this pain at least once. Image: Nine.

In the name of equality. Image: Nine.

SORRY ALEX.

Oh my god, okay. The moment has finally arrived.

GEORGE IS UP FIRST.

Josie can barely contain herself at the thought of kissing a freshly shaved face.

He enters and HOLY F***ING SH*T GEORGE IS SO HOT.

PARDON????????? Image: Nine.

I can't say it any other way. He's SMOKIN'.

Josie is so overcome she runs up to him and they pash.

FAIR ENOUGH GIRL LOOK AT HIS FACE.

Who gave you permission?? Image: Nine.

Okay, okay, I've composed myself. It's time to meet the freshly tanned Lachlan.

NAH.

WHERE IS ASHTON FREAKING KUTCHER BECAUSE THAT IS NOT LACHY AND WE ARE DEFINITELY BEING PUNK'D!!!!!!

WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH LACHLAN. Image: Nine.

I. Am. Shook.

Everyone else is too, and sweet angel Lachy says he's never had anything close to that reaction from women before.

Then too many people yell at Sam because he's not very good at angling a mirror and honestly Sam, don't let them get you down. You're doing great sweetie.

Anyway. 

Lachy finally sees himself and I'm SOBBING.

?!!!?/ Image: Nine.

Wipe your damn eyes people, it's time for Superman James. Who Jess hopes comes out as just... James.

Oh my god.

SuperDAMN James AMIRITE??? Image: Nine.

HE TOO IS REALLY HOT.

James does a lil jig when he sees himself, and BLESS HIM HE LOOKS SO PLEASED.

HIS SMILE I'M CRYING. Image: Nine.

Finally, it's time for Alex.

The beauties discuss whether he will have a mullet or a wig and ladies, please, surely he's going to be giving bald Jason Statham vibes?

He emerges from the depths of whatever is behind those big doors with their faces on them and... YUSSSS I WAS RIGHT.

WHAT!!! Image: Nine.

Remember when Prince William was named hottest bald guy a while ago and everyone was like excuse me?? Well, EXCUSE ME AGAIN BECAUSE *gestures wildly*

PARDON!? Image: Nine.

UHHHH okay that exceeded all my expectations. 

Like I've almost forgotten about how we had to sit through that weird cylinder challenge thing to get to this point (almost).

Lachy says if the girl of his dreams is watching, to slip into his DMs.

What are you waiting for pls!!!

Catch up on the rest of our recaps:

• Mamamia recaps Beauty and the Geek episode 1: Australia just fell in love with a geek named Mitchell.
• Mamamia recaps Beauty and the Geek episode 2: The geeks single-handedly destroy multiple modelling careers.
• Mamamia recaps Beauty and the Geek episode 3: LACHLAN DESERVES THE WORLD.
• Mamamia recaps Beauty and the Geek episode 4: The first makeover is a goddamn SUCCESS.
• Mamamia recaps Beauty and the Geek episode 5: Australia just witnessed a geek's first ever kiss.
• Mamamia recaps Beauty and the Geek episode 6: GEORGE. HURRY UP AND KISS HER ALREADY.
• Mamamia recaps Beauty and the Geek episode 7: Sam goes from Napoleon Dynamite to a... Jonas Brother.
  
• Mamamia recaps Beauty and the Geek episode 8: We have no choice but to ship Josie and George.
• Mamamia recaps Beauty and the Geek episode 9: Everyone forgets to tell Alex the... gossip.

Feature image: Nine.