Twelve people share hilarious/horrible stories about their worst house guests.

Thought the friend who stayed at your place and left dirty dishes and wet towels lying around was bad? You ain’t seen nothing yet.

A Reddit thread dedicated to tales of the worst house guests people have had has delivered some hilarious and motifying stories.

Here are some of the best:

This guy was curious as to why his wife’s friend wandered out of the basement in her underwear.

“It turns out in her drunken state she couldn’t find either one of the bathrooms upstairs on the main level so she went into the basement and shit beneath the stairs all over the floor. When her husband came out of the bedroom I told him that he had a mess to clean up and directed him to the basement so he could find his wife’s surprise. That’s when he decided to use our clean bath towels to smear her shit all over my basement floor, then he just tossed the towels into the laundry tub. I never spoke to either one of them again. One good thing did come out of it though. We now get to say “shit the basement drunk” as the top of the drunkenness meter.”

Then there’s that one-night stand that just doesn’t leave.

“My roommate met her at a party and invited her back. She stayed the night, yeah whatever. But then didn’t leave the next day. She just hung out. Even asked if we were going to buy more soda. She stayed the night again. On the couch. Two days later we drove her to a family member just to get rid of her.”

And the awkward family peeping Tom.

“The brother of my partner spent the whole week trying to walk in on me changing/in the shower.”

Or the roommate’s friend who stayed for the weekend.

“He got super wasted and passed out on the couch. No big deal, right? Until he shit himself. And then trailed it from the living room couch to the hallway bathroom. And then couldn’t find the light switch so smeared it on the wall. And then barfed everywhere. And then trailed it out of the front door and down the other hallway. And then disappeared forever, never talking to my friend again. Months of cleaning didn’t get the smell out.”

This guy.

“The dude who pissed in my kettle and then boiled it.”

This guy’s brother brought two college mates home for the weekend. That was a (creepy) mistake.

“My mom caught one of them smelling my 12 year old sister’s stockings and pre teen girl underwear. My mum kind of freaked and was in semi-shock and came in and told my brother in front of me and the other friend. What was even more awkward is the guy tried to play it off like he thought it was MY room, and he was looking for my weed. He said he was sniffing because he could smell weed somewhere, and wanted to smoke.”

The boyfriend’s best mate.

“Turns out he was a shitter. As in, he crapped everywhere but in the toilet bowl. The floor, the seat, handprints everywhere. She was so freaked out by it she didn’t confront the guy, she just cleaned everything up.”

The junkie friend who doesn’t know his mates have moved out.

“We moved into this new house, apparently the people who lived there before us never told their ‘friend’ they moved. He let him self in and went into the bathroom unnoticed. I went in there some time later and found this random guy passed out with a needle in his arm in my new fucking bathroom. Worst first night in a new house ever.”

The friend who sexually assaults people in their sleep.

“My friend was a little older than me and is it turned out, liked me more than just friends. I woke up without my boxers on and my member getting all sorts of unsolicited attention. It was a weird night and awkward morning. EDIT: Yes, now I know it was sexual assault. This was the early 80s and not a lot of resources. He swore me to secrecy and we remained friends and he didn’t try anything else. He’s a happily married gay man now and his wedding was a good time.”

This guy.

“Buddy used to pee out a second story window to avoid going to the downstairs bathroom. One time he did and the sunroof on my mother’s Lexus was open below…”

The roommates’s gross boyfriend.

“He rarely (never) showered, which was very obvious to any guests or friends we had over, trashed any public area that he used within an hour and literally refused to clean… The worst part was his fucked up one-sided ‘open relationship’ where he would have free reign to bring home and fuck as many random girls as he wanted when his girlfriend was at work, and he would do so very loudly.”

And, last but not least, the friend with the bed-wetting kid…

“Her 10 year old had a bed-wetting problem. Understandably, no one wants to talk about that. EXCEPT WHEN IT’S TIME TO CHANGE THE SHEETS when the guests are gone! OMG, I had to throw out a brand new mattress.”

Suddenly, a couple of mouldy dishes don’t look so bad.