Richie Strahan has hurt my heart, and I just can’t keep quiet about it anymore.
Because my kind has become a dangerously endangered species on The Bachelor and I won’t stand for this obvious bias.
You know what I’m talking about. There is an elephant in this room and it has evolved to sprout a mane of blonde hair.
Meanwhile, brunettes on the show are DROPPING LIKE FLIES. And it’s just not right.
SOS. It's a sea of blonde out there. Image via Channel 10.
The show began with 22 women, of which 10 were brunette. Oh, and one half-brunette (Rachael).
Then, we met our intruders last night. Richie chose to keep all three. All blonde.
At first I breathed a sigh of relief when I thought newbie Khalia was a brunette. But I was blinded by hope. She is, in fact, a dark blonde.
Khalia (left) is kept. Georgia is kicked out. Because of course. Image via Channel 10.
How many brunettes are we left with? ONE.
ONE BRUNETTE. And that's 'bacon girl' Noni.
If blonde mermaid Megan hadn't pulled out last night, then Noni would probably have been given the boot alongside Georgia — both of whom haven't even had single dates.
Listen: Our Bach Chat podcast discusses the ~dramaaaah~ of last night's episode. (Post continues after audio.)
We can't deny Richie has blonde ambition. And I'm not here to start a war, but does the guy know what he's missing out on?
The top defintion for 'brunette' on Urban Dictionary (i.e. the modern day bible) eloquently states, with grammatical errors:
"1. a person with dark colored hair that is generally really cool and smart and knows a hell of alot more then blondes
2. if ya really want a lady..a brunette is the way to go. we have fun but actually know what we're talkin about."
I just think Richie has to be aware of this before he kills off our last hope in Noni.
But look, I've come up with a theory to make all of us brunettes feel a little better: maybe, maybe, Richie only has room for one brunette in his life.
This one. (Click through the gallery)
Her name's Deja and she is pretty damn awesome. And it sure looks like true love.
And as an extra consolation prize, at least our upcoming Bachelorette is one of us. That counts for more, right?
Because Noni, betrayed by her own hair follicles, likely does not have long left in this Bachelor world.
And Rachael and Kahlia may want to think about going for a full-head dye to complete their transition to blonde if they want a real shot at winning Richie's heart.
Nonetheless, I am parking myself firmly in #TeamNoni for now.
#PrayForTheBrunettes
Here's a reminder of who's still in the running. Click through the gallery:
Top Comments
I have to admit I don't watch the show, but if they had redheads - The Rachelorette if you will, I'd be over it like spicy read chilli beans on sourdough.
hmmm, my creative fiction instructor asked me to work on my imagery and I still get a C, damnit.
Watched it for the first time and won't be watching it again, the lack of brunettes, redheads on the show is disgusting and offensive.
It's his choice, he clearly has a type. There were lots at the start.