On last night’s epic Bachelor in Paradise finale Jarrod Woodgate and Keira Maguire declared their love for each other.
It seemed like it was a match made in mango daiquiri heaven.
But then… this happened.
Today they’ve cancelled all their media appearances including an interview with yours truly, where I was going to ask Keira exactly how many mango daiquiris she consumed during her time in paradise and whether she had met Jarrod’s pot plant yet.
Hurricane Flo has blown back out to sea. Post continues.
They also cancelled interviews with Nova 100’s Chrissie, Sam & Browny and Nova 96.9’s Fitzy & Wippa, so I’m not taking it too personally.
So, like the spotlight journalist that I am, I’ve deduced that something must have happened between Fiji and now.
I’ve been scouring through official reports and examining the evidence in the lab for hours and I’ve narrowed down the suspects theories.
Here are all the possible reasons why Jarrod and Keira have suddenly gone MIA:
- They have broken up.
- They were never really together.
- Jarrod doesn’t actually exist. He’s just a collection of skin cells in trauma.
- Jarrod is getting a skin check up.
- The grapes at the vineyard need to be stomped on before winter comes.
- Sophie Monk slid into Jarrod’s DMs and he has ran off with her.
- Jarrod forgot what was happening and is still walking along a beach in Fiji crying.
- They’ve been hitting the homemade mango daiquiris hard since leaving Fiji and they’re just really hungover.
- Last night when Ali was announced as the next Bachelorette, Jarrod decided to apply for the show.
- They’re busy working on their breakup shoot for Woman’s Day.
- They’re just having a lot of sex.
- Jarrod has been admitted to the hospital for heatstroke.
- Keira has been admitted to the hospital for mango daiquiri poisoning.
- Dan Murphy’s ran out of mango daiquiri supplies and Keira is not happy.
- A goat ran away from the farm and they’re chasing it.
- They’re real busy feeding the chooks at the farm.
- Keira is busy teaching Richie Strahan how to do yoga.
- Laurina treated them to a dirty street pie and they have food poisoning.
- Jarrod’s pot plant died and they’re giving it a proper farewell.
- Florence is holding them hostage in her basement.
- They spoke to Mack once and now he thinks they’re in love with him.
- Jarrod is having an affair with Married At First Sight’s Davina.
- Osher flew them back to Fiji because he was bored.
- They’re potting lil’ pot plants together.
- They’re actually both engaged to Leah.