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Ah, yes.
It's time for more Bachelor in Paradise drama.
We open on Timm who's standing on a paddleboard in dad sandals and socks... in the pool.
It's very weird of him.
Nice.
Oh wait. Osher really has no time for bullsh*t today.
Timm and his sandals are back, and they have a date card.
Surprisingly, the date card goes to Jake, who has had approximately five syllables of air time since this season began.
Although he picked Cass at the last rose ceremony, Jake decides to take Helena on the date, which is a 'lil bit awkward considering Helena is supposedly getting close to the pool guy "Glenn".
Back at the villa, the other contestants are discussing Ciarran's ex-girlfriend Renee, who is rumoured to be entering Paradise.
In case you missed it, Renee, who appeared on Matt's season of The Bachelor, previously dated Ciarran, who appeared on Angie's season of The Bachelorette.
Essentially, Bachelor nation is just one big, incestuous family.
While the other contestants fret over Renee's imminent arrival, Ciarran, who has gone full-Love Island mode, is sharing a paddleboard with Jess.
That's... nice.
They ~talk about their feelings~ and kiss in the rain, but it all feels a little bit "ingenuine". (Well, at least that's what Jamie would say).
Over at Jake and Helena's picnic date, Jake is grilling Helena about her relationship with "Glenn".
He asks her why she hasn't made an effort to speak to him yet and it's so awkward that she literally... can't talk.
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So. Awkward.
Back at the villa, Timm is consoling "Glenn" after Helena left for her date with Jake.
He tells Timm that he's going to "have a fight on his hands" with Jake and Helena. Pls sir, the pool needs to be cleaned.
Meanwhile, as Jake and Helena's date descends even more into awkwardness with Jake bringing up his former relationship with Megan Marx, Jamie takes conga Brittany for a private cocktail date on the beach.
Conga Brittany admits that she "likes" Jamie, and that she thinks there's a chance their relationship could "go far".
"Yeah, that's nice," Jamie responds.
DUDE. PLS.
SHE'S SHOWING INTEREST IN YOU. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Elsewhere in Paradise, Ciarran and Jess are kissing... again.
It lasts for far too long and it's uncomfortable for us all.
Pause.
HE'S HERE.
OSHER AND HIS BEAUTIFUL HAWAIIAN SHIRT ARE HERE TO RESCUE US.
He gathers the contestants and announces that a) Renee is Ciarran's ex, b) Renee was friends with Cass, c) Renee was friends with Jess, and d) Niranga (?) has been sliding into Renee's DMs.
See, we told you this show was incestuous.
Osher announces that the contestants will have a chance to ask Renee a bunch of anonymous questions at tonight's dinner party and, erm, why is this show delving more into Married At First Sight territory?
No, really?
Later on, Ciarran is looking stressed as he waits for the dinner party to kick off.
"He knows the storm is about to blow in from the Fijian sea," Jamie tells the producers and okay, cool. Jamie is just making up brand new oceans now. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Over at the bar, the girls are waiting for Renee to arrive.
When Renee walks in, Jess asks the other girls: "Is that her?"
Didn't... Osher say you were friends?
Once Renee makes it to the dinner table, the group is virtually dead silent.
Then, in another Married At First Sight-esque move, Ciarran makes an announcement to the table, apologising for the way he treated Renee during their relationship. In response, Renee rolls her eyes.
Yep, this isn't going to end well.
Cool.
As the night continues on, attention soon turns to the ~mysterious~ question box sitting in the middle of the table, which was 100 per cent planted by John Aiken to start sh*t.
After Timm points out the box, Ciarran is all like: THIS IS A LOAD OF BULLSH*T, INNIT and mate stop... yelling.
The questions begin, and Timm asks Ciarran how he met Renee. But after struggling to answer the first few simple questions, Ciarran storms off.
Cool.
"Glenn" chases after Ciarran before telling Timm to back off, which is weird but okay. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Back at the table, Timm is back from attempting to console Ciarran, and he's startin' sh*t between Renee and Cass.
He tells Renee that Ciarran was "nearly going to give Cass his rose" while Cass, who is apparently "close friends" with Renee, desperately tries to maintain that she didn't break girl code.
It's... a lot.
Watch the trailer for the new episode of Bachelor in Paradise below. Post continues below.
While Renee is being hit with an influx of new information, a man allegedly named Niranga is consoling her.
Niranga shares that he was recently in Bali for a week with Ciarran and Renee... AND DO THESE PEOPLE HANG OUT WITH ANYONE OUTSIDE REALITY TV?
Timm, who is continuing to stir the pot, soon turns his attention to Niranga, and begins attacking him for his friendship with Renee.
But before Niranga can even bite back, the pool guy "Glenn" tells Timm to "shut the f*ck up".
Timm, sir. You need to stop.
Elsewhere in Paradise, Renee is being consoled by a producer. She tells them that she's sick of holding in all of Ciarran's "secrets", and that she has to confront him privately.
She takes Ciarran away "for a chat", and begins to accuse him of "playing the victim for the cameras".
Drama, pls.
"None of these people know that you left Angie for me. While you were in the mansion, you were calling me, and making sure I was okay," Renee told producers.
"Who do you think picked him up from the airport? He said he was over it. He said he wanted to come back and that he realised that he still loved me and wanted to make it work," she continued.
"He has just played everybody."
Um.
Excuse me.
WHAT.
HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO US? AND ALSO... ANGIE? BUT MOSTLY US.
Ciarran tells Renee that he's leaving Paradise, before storming off.
UNTIL TOMORROW NIGHT.
Feature Image: Channel 10.
Catch up on all our recaps here:
Mamamia recaps Bachelor in Paradise episode 1: It's been one day, and we already have a love triangle.
Mamamia recaps Bachelor in Paradise episode 2: Jamie needs to calm the hell down.
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