When my first daughter was born in May there were all sorts of things my wife Melanie and I had to decide: At home or in the hospital? Down the chute or via the sunroof? Cloth or disposable? Breast or bottle?
None of these were simple choices, and we were open to arguments on both sides. But one decision was easy for both of us – our baby would take on my wife’s family name, not mine.
While we have defied one convention in this naming decision, we hope to create a new one.
Melanie and I have a very equal relationship. From finances to housework to decision-making, the two of us each enjoy equal benefits, and bear equal responsibilities. So when we got married in 2014, it seemed natural to us that we would retain our existing family names rather than have one of us relinquish our name. (It was, perhaps, a reflection of the fact we were both in our 30s and had established independent lives, with our own names, when we got married.)
“Episiotomy” and other things you don’t get told about before giving birth. Post continues…
For us, the tradition of a woman taking on her husband’s name had a faint hint of possessiveness that was out of tune with our desire for individual identities. It also put a partner in an awkward position if the relationship were to dissolve and they were left with a family name for a family of which they are no longer a part. While our relationship was strong then and remains so, you never know what the future will bring. So what name to give to children?
Top Comments
I wish my kids had my name over my husbands. His family aren't the nicest of people and we don't even talk to them, yet our children have the closest, most beautiful relationships with my family.
As our first child was born out of wedlock he had his mother's maiden name as his surname on all paperwork and his blue book. When filling in the form to send to the NSW Registry of Births Deaths & Marriages, I filled it out and asked his mother which surname I should list for him. She said to use mine as, even though we discussed not getting married, she suggested that it would just be easier if we did in the future and our kids and her all took on my surname.
As she has a degree in her maiden name and runs her own business with her certificates in her office she uses her maiden name as her professional name.
But I wouldn't have cared if the kids took her name or mine. It's just a name. And when both of them are rock stars or actors (no pressure though), they might go down the route that Elton John and Portia De Rossi did and be known as something completely different to what their names are now.