How do you cope when your child is an attention seeker?

We live in a time where everyday parenting has become akin to business management. I know that’s a pretty brutal thing to say, in some ways… but stay with me.

There are limited resources, by which I would include things like time, energy, and, for some of us, money.

There are very big goals, such as turning out well-adjusted adults, humans with the capacity to make a contribution to the community and to find their own fulfillment.

And, sometimes, just getting out the door in the morning can feel like a lofty goal, in and of itself.

Much of the time, the resources just don’t stretch far enough to meet those goals. There isn’t necessarily the time or the energy required to create the ‘best’ environment for kids to do what they need to do to learn and develop appropriately.

My four and a half year old's favourite trick currently is to try and pretend he doesn't know how to do things he absolutely does. Be it putting his own shoes on, drying himself after bath-time, putting his toys away or something equally mundane.

He can do all of those things.

He has done them before, he does them well. I can't figure out why he pretends, sometimes to the point of battle, he can't. (Okay, truth be told, in a dark corner of my soul I think it's probably a cry for attention, but I try not to investigate that particular kernel for fear I will become a guilty mess.)

And so, when he declares, as he did this morning, that he doesn't know how to put his shoes on. I have to make a flash strategic decision.

How much time do I have to dedicate to this problem?

What is his mood like? Is this likely to become a drama?

Do I have the emotional energy to calmly and firmly handle this?

What boundaries am I, once again, pushing further and further out?

What are the long term implications of me just putting the damn things on his feet?

What's the short term benefit to me giving into this behaviour yet again?

Am I ultimately going to turn my child into a helpless, entitled brat-child-in-a-man's-body unable to handle the usual and the unusual problems that life will eventually throw at him?

A story in Fairfax papers recently described the situation of families where parents are finding themselves 'terrorised' by their teenage children.

It's the extreme end of spectrum; kids smashing up their houses, threatening their parents with physical violence and screaming abuse.

Cossima Marriner and Rachel Browne, the authors, write, "Eager to deliver the perfect childhood, parents are emotionally and materially indulging their children. Boundaries are rarely enforced and consequences aren't imposed by parents who want to be their child's friend."

They quote parent educator, Michael Grose, "Sometimes parents haven't got the time to have that fight with the kids so we just give in. Often we don't delegate to the child, or allow them to do it themselves, because it's easier and quicker to do it ourselves."

I don't think my children will end up smashing up the house, or being physically violent (although, I'm absolutely certain that the parents of children who do end up behaving this way also thought it wouldn't happen to them) but I do see a piece of truth from my own life here.

Sometimes I don't have the time (or the energy or the inclination) to fight with my kids. Sometimes I just want to have a nice day, a day when our family can enjoy each other's company. And so, bit by bit the long term goals are sacrificed for short term gain.

Like most parents, I find myself suffering through the ocean of advice we're constantly subjected to. But every now and then, someone hands me a pearl or two of wisdom. And so it was, yesterday, sitting around a meal with friends. A mother, one I respect so much and love so well, one who has gone a few years before me, gave me advice she had from someone she loved so well and respected so much, from one who had gone before her. She said, "Someone once told me, 'never do for a child what they can do for themselves.' That's the secret."

That's the secret.

What are some things you do as a parent just to get through?