The attachment style that's growing faster than all the others.

So, you think you have a secure attachment style? Think again. Turns out, there is one attachment style growing faster than others, and it's not the one that everyone wants.

On Mamamia's No Filter podcast, we spoke to clinical psychologist and attachment theory expert Dr Morgan Anderson, whose goal it is to help women heal and have better relationships.

After losing her mum at six years old, then watching her father navigate difficult relationships, the doctor confessed her chaotic family system influenced her love life down the track.

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"I experienced childhood trauma," Dr Anderson told Mia Freedman. "Then, of course, when I began to date, I was very attracted to the emotionally unavailable man."

It was when she found herself in a relationship with a narcissist that Anderson hit "rock bottom," having a near death experience. And she knew it was time for a change.

"I threw myself into researching attachment styles and learning everything I could about rewiring your brain so that you can have a healthy relationship."

A decade on, Anderson has helped thousands of people become securely attached, including herself.

But what does secure attachment look like?

For the unacquainted, there are four attachment styles; Anxious; Avoidant; Disorganised (of Fearful) Avoidant; and Secure.

"Anxious attachment is where you are devaluing yourself and you are overvaluing the other person, so you are disconnected from self and you are very aware of the other person's needs," Anderson explained. "If you have anxious attachment, no matter how much reassurance you're given, it's really hard for you to internalise it."

Avoidant, meanwhile, is "where you're actually overvaluing yourself and you might find yourself devaluing others," the psychologist explained. "There's a lot of unconscious distancing that's happening where you're pulling away, and this can look like not responding to text messages, avoiding conflict."

"Disorganised attachment is the combination of anxious and avoidant happening at the same time," she said. "This is that push, pull dynamic: Never leave me, now get away from me."

Lastly, secure attachment (AKA, the best one) means feeling "emotionally safe in a relationship".

"You have interdependence with your partner. I can depend on me and I can depend on you. I'm able to self soothe, and I can also ask you to help regulate my emotions. I have both available to me."

So, how do we form our attachment style? Are we born with it? Or does it develop over time?

"Some people would say even before birth, that your attachment style is forming throughout all of your various relational experiences," said Anderson.

"Early attachment theory research would say it's your relationship with your caregivers, that's it. But we now know that your early romantic relationships, your friendships, all of your relational experiences play a role in forming your unique attachment style."

While 'secure' is always the ideal, one specific attachment style is currently in the spotlight — particularly with the younger generation.

"It's fascinating when you look at the research, avoidant attachment style is the fastest growing attachment style," the doctor said, explaining how "hyper-independence" has become a goal in recent years, particularly with Gen Z.

"Unfortunately due to social media and the age that we're in of — I call it 'pseudo connection' — we're not really deeply connecting like we used to do," she told Mamamia. "It's really leading to more of that hyper independence."

According to Anderson, this has led to a particular type of thinking: "I'm an island, I'm my own person, and I can't depend on others."

While Gen X parents tended to avoid the "helicopter" parenting style, today's parents are often encouraged to overprotect their children, shielding them from negative experiences and challenges. This can, of course, foster co-dependence, but it can also have the opposite effect.

"It can lead to both avoidant attachment or anxious attachment," Anderson revealed.

"I think we don't always associate it with avoidant attachment, but think about it this way, If you have that feeling of wow, this person is intrusive, right, being sort of almost taken over, then that teaches you that intimacy does not feel good. So avoidant attachment can be sort of a rebellion to helicopter parenting of, 'Okay, I'm going to go be an island because intimacy does not feel seen.'"

Contrary to popular discourse, however, we can change our attachment style — meaning there's hope for the avoidant Gen Z'ers after all.

"We have tons of data now that you can rewire your brain and change your nervous system and learn how to embody secure attachment," Anderson said. "So no matter how tumultuous or even traumatic your childhood was, no matter what the patterns were that were set early on in your life, you can change that. I'm living proof of that."

Listen to the full episode of No Filter below

Feature Image: Getty