Hallelujah: The humble white potato is set to become the next big wellness trend.

For years they’ve lived in the shadows.

And also in the dirt. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

They’ve been pushed to the back of the pantry, left to go limp and to sprout weird little weed-like tentacles.

Occasionally they were hesitantly brought out at a neighbourhood BBQ, only to be pushed around the plate with loud declarations of “I’m not eating carbs this month”.

Sometimes they poked their dirty little misshapen potato heads out of the pantry and sullenly watched as yet another kale salad was constructed.

They silently sobbed when they first spotted their humans making noodles out of zucchinis and rice out of cauliflower.

Occasionally they whispered “mashed potatoes, mashed potatoes, mashed potatoes” trying to send subliminal messages to those in the kitchen.

But mostly they sat there in the dark – mute – waiting for their time in the sun.

And now that time has finally come.

via GIPHY

The humble white potato is apparently having a comeback.

Soon your dinner plate will be heaped with mounds of their mashed, fluffy white flesh. Crunchy chips will be sold on every street corner. Wedges will fall from the sky and you’ll be able to skip through the streets, catching them in a woven basket. Desirees will hold the majority in the Australian Senate and kipflers will star in their own reality TV show.

Potatoes will rule the world and we won’t even be mad about it.

The idea was first floated by Harling Ross, a writer at Man Repeller. Ross wrote that she was out walking with a friend, when that friend explained to her that the kale-based salads we scoff down at lunch are ruining our digestive systems.

That’s why everyone is so bloat-y and, erm, fart-y all the time.

Potatoes, on the other hand, are extremely easy to digest. They actually fill you up and they’re as cheap as… chips.

Potatoes are packed full of good stuff like vitamins C and B6, folate, potassium and magnesium. And they’re also great for anyone on a FODMAP diet.

All of this has been backed up by the team at Potato News Today, the internet’s preeminent ‘no-frills, no-nonsense daily account of breaking global potato news stories’, and you no they ain’t lying about #BREAKINGPOTATONEWS.

So get out your masher and baking tray, because the glorious lil’ potates we know and love are back.