"The eight disturbing questions I was asked while applying for Khloe Kardashian's new show."

If you were hoping for 2017 to be a better year than whatever the hell we just experienced, then I have some bad news for you.

On 12 January, ‘Revenge Bodies with Khloe Kardashian‘ will premiere on E!

It’s new. It’s edgy. It’s challenging. 

Except that it’s just The Biggest Loser but with a Kardashian.

It’s about “achieving” a revenge body, you see. Khloe explains the process as “having revenge on this life you once had that you won’t even want any more.”

Listen to The Binge explain exactly what’s so wrong with Khloe Kardashian’s new show.

Well, I found it online and filled it out so you don’t have to.

And it’s by far the weirdest thing I’ve ever done. Here are the five most bizarre questions that, in my opinion, have nothing to do with anything.

1. Are there any family members you do not have a relationship with anymore and wish you did? Describe.

Oh, goodness. Well that’s sad.

If this had occurred I don’t think I’d want to tell my ‘Revenge Bodies with Khloe Kardashian’ application form about it. Am I going to get fit and hot so I can…take revenge on my family? I just don’t feel like that is healthy, but what would I know.

2. What are some of the most embarrassing moments you experienced as a kid? Describe in detail.

I HAVE SPENT THE LAST 20 YEARS TRYING TO FORGET THESE. WHY WOULD I TELL YOU, KHLOE?

There’s the time I decided to wear my sports uniform on the weekend because I was so proud of it.

Or the time I wore my grandmother’s petticoat at a family Christmas and performed Celine Dion’s My Heart Will Go On. Or the time I had a bowl cut for five years. Or the time I vomited on the carpet in Kindergarten. IS THAT ENOUGH FOR YOU, KHLOE? DO I WIN YET?

3. List all the people you have cut out of your life, how they are related to you, and why you cut them out.

I feel like my life is not nearly as dramatic as it would need to be to qualify for this show. Is it common to cut people out of your life? And then maybe lose a heap of weight to make them...like you more? I don't get it.

4. Has there been any incident involved another person that you are trying to forget? Please explain.

Okay, firstly, there's a typo in this question. So there's that. They mean involving*.

Secondly, the subtext is "Is there something you don't want to talk about? Talk about it pls." Eugh - NO.

5. Do you believe in Prince Charming? Why or why not?

Ew, no. Is this Biggest Loser meets The Kardashians also trying to be The Bachelor? WHAT IS HAPPENING?

Fun fact: I trawled through the male application form too (obviously). This question was not asked about, er, 'Princess' Charming.

6. Do you have any bad habits you would like to change? Please list, describe, and explain how you developed the habits and when they started.

Pfft...no.

Why would someone applying for 'Revenge Bodies' with a Kardashian want to change something about themselves? I'm sure they are all very content.

7. Do you care about what people think about you? Why?

No comment.

Except that 99% of people care what people think of them, and the other 1% are psychopaths.

8. Have you undergone cosmetic surgery? If yes, please list procedures and indicate when. (If no, please write N/A.)

Wait, what?

A) Why is this a question?

B) Why would it...matter?

C) Why on earth would you need the details?

Other interesting features of the application form include: You must be available to film for seven whole months. 

You are entitled to no expectation of privacy - there will be hidden cameras and listening devices.

Producers have the right to purposefully "misrepresent" you and "omit" footage for "dramatic or other production purposes".

You cannot sue them for personal injury, rights of privacy and publicity, false light or defamation.

THIS SHOW JUST SEEMS LIKE A REAL BARREL OF LAUGHS.

To catch up on the other TV controversies of the week listen to the brand new episode of The Binge.

Check out all our podcasts and any books mentioned in any of our shows at apple.co/mamamia.