Butt sex, a quiet breakup, and an infuriating end: Mamamia recaps the finale of And Just Like That.

After a season full of approximately 17 too many side characters, appalling standup comedy, and absurdly frivolous spending during a cost-of-living crisis, the finale of And Just Like That aired on Thursday night.

Did we get closure? Not really, no. 

Did we get a cliffhanger? Eh... not particularly. 

Did we get lovely clothes and a pleasant soundtrack? Absolutely. 

In order to recap the final episode of season two of the Binge series, I need to make one thing clear: No one loves this show more than its own writer and creator, Michael Patrick King. That's not to say people don't love it. They really do. But King believes Sex and the City – and by extension, And Just Like That – is a little like War and Peace. Or Hamilton. Or precisely anything written by Jane Austen. He would like us to analyse every detail of the show because it's all very clever and symbolic. Which I'm sure it is. But I also just want to watch it while simultaneously being on my phone and yelling "WAIT, WHO'S THAT?" at my screen every few minutes.

The final episode is named after 'The Last Supper', and yes there are 12 people in attendance. But I refuse to believe there are further layers around who represents Judas and whether Carrie is meant to be Jesus because frankly that's not why any of us are here.

I'm mostly here for Carrie's dress. Image: Binge/HBO. 

Let's start at the beginning. 

We open with Carrie on the phone to Aidan, but I don't give a single s**t because moments later, Samantha calls.

Everyone. Shut. Up. And. Don't. Move.

She’s in a car and explains her flight from London has been delayed by three hours. She'd been planning to surprise Carrie at her Last Supper but now she’s going to miss it, which is awfully convenient given Kim Cattrall and Sarah Jessica Parker can’t physically, spiritually, or perhaps legally be in the same room.

The scene has clearly been filmed separately so they don't have to speak, and Cattrall deserves an Emmy for this acting performance. You'd almost believe she was Samantha and really did want to come to Carrie's fancy dinner.

All in all, Samantha Jones is on screen for 74 seconds and this woman is a genius. Let us all learn that creating chaos in the workplace always leads to less work and better pay.

Meanwhile, Harry wakes a very hungover Charlotte to tell her Anthony is here to talk about whether he should lose his ass virginity. 

I'm about to smile to myself about how Charlotte and Anthony's friendship is one of my favourite unexpected storylines of this season, when Harry starts losing it.

He yells that he simply CANNOT DO IT ALL because he has PACKED 1 (ONE) x LUNCH FOR HIS CHILDREN AND POTENTIALLY EVEN DRIVEN THEM TO SCHOOL.

He even – God forbid – may have GONE ON HIS PHONE and ordered PIZZA for his OWN KIDS the previous evening. How can he POSSIBLY be EXPECTED to live with THE WEIGHT of this MENTAL LOAD?

But Charlotte has gone rogue this season, and calmly tells Harry: Sweetie. 

"You're not doing it all. You're doing the bare minimum. Of what I and other women have been expected to do around the house for years and years.

“I want your help and support," she says. "Not your words of help and support."

Starting with telling Anthony to pls leave because Charlotte can't deal with his drama right now.

Charlotte... slay.

Miranda goes to visit Steve at his new bar and we need to pause on this storyline. Carrie has convinced Miranda she's not good at breaking up with people? Because apparently she needs to maintain relationships with the men and women she's dated/married, so it's easier for... Carrie? To navigate social events?

It's all very odd because Miranda and Steve share a Brady, so their presence in each other's lives going forward is inevitable.

As they have their odd conversation that attempts to tie a bow around a messy divorce, Brady is weirdly looking on and smiling. It feels very after-school-special and also if you're going to get Brady in for a scene, can I please find out how things are going with Lily? I found that plot fun for gossip purposes. 

But we have no time for Brady because Nya has been accepted into the American Law BigDog Fancy Institute or something.

She tells Miranda her first instinct was to share the news with her ex-husband Andre Rashad, and then cries because she has an amazing life but no man to share it with.

Cool.

But SHHH IT’S TIME FOR CARRIE’S LAST SUPPER and yes her napkins have her initials on them. Her dress is so flattering it feels less like fashion and more like... maths, but oh no.

My mortal enemy has arrived. His name is Jackie and the last time we saw him he had diarrhea after eating hollandaise sauce and why do I know that? His link to everything in this show is so tenuous I simply do not understand why he keeps turning up.

He's not even a side character. He's the side character of a side character. Image: Binge/HBO.

He and Che have standup comedy banter and it's excruciating.

Anthony's partner, Giuseppe, randomly drops into conversation with strangers that he's going back to Rome, which is awkward because he hasn't told Anthony that.

It starts a back and forth between them about the walls Anthony has up and one of them is his sphincter wall, because, in case you forgot, Giuseppe wants to take his ass virginity. You see, Anthony's butthole is a metaphor. For how he's impenetrable. But like, emotionally. 

Seema arrives and when she clearly bristles at the fact her partner, Ravi, is constantly taking work calls, Carrie gives her a stern talking to. It's Seema who's the problem. She's just scared this relationship might be what she's been waiting for all along.

Silly Seema. 

Once Carrie has put her kitten – Shoe – to bed, it's time for a game. They go around the table and, in the spirit of Carrie letting go of her apartment, everyone shares a word to represent what they want to let go of.

No one's word is particularly interesting, and then Carrie gives a speech about letting go of 'expectation'. 

But. There's. A. Problem.

During the game, Herbert struggles to come up with a word and asks the table to come back to him. But NO ONE EVER DOES. Because Carrie won't stop talking about 'expectation'. What if he had a good word?? Like 'farts'. Or 'marriage'. Or 'Carrie'?

Suddenly, Miranda's boss calls and tells her she needs to do an interview tonight with the BBC about... human rights... migrants. Detain...ment. 

On set, she sees the woman we met last week, who works for the UN, and they fall in love over... detention vehicles. Something something. Human rights.

Meanwhile, Seema's boyfriend Ravi explains he needs to go to Cairo for a movie emergency (??) and maybe she could come with him for five months. She says no, because she's desperately needed in New York, where she can get rich people – like Carrie – to buy property they don't need.

Back at Carrie's apartment, Aidan is throwing rocks at her window, which is annoying. When she lets him in, he has no luggage and asks her to sit down. He explains he's going right back to Virginia, because his kids need him. He can't be with Carrie until his youngest son Wyatt is out of his teen years. So if Carrie could just sit patiently and wait for five years, that would be lovely, thanks.

Carrie isn't nearly angry enough that she just BOUGHT A LITERAL HOUSE for her and Aidan (and his kids) to live in, and instead they go on to have calm, non-complicated sex.

In fact, almost everyone has sex. Simultaneously. 

Aidan and Carrie. Anthony and Giuseppe. Nya and the chef who cooked the Last Supper. Seema and Ravi.

When Aidan leaves the next morning, farewelling a far too calm Carrie, Seema calls. She's booked them a house on the beach in Greece, obviously.

We end the season with Carrie and Seema sipping cosmopolitans on a green-screen beach, both waiting for men who may never come back.

Your dress is fabulous but your emotional reaction is baffling. Image: Binge/HBO.

A few final thoughts. 

Carrie, you literally just adopted a kitten. Where is it? But more importantly: I'm fairly certain you just got dumped. Quietly. And you are far too fine about it.

Seema. EGYPT IS A VERY SHORT FLIGHT FROM GREECE. If you were going to go to Greece anyway, why not say hi to the man who literally just asked you to join him in Cairo?

And a brief note for Michael Patrick King: no more Jackie. I beg you.

For more from Clare Stephens you can follow her on Instagram.

Feature image: HBO.