An open letter to anyone outraged by Miley Cyrus.

By EM RUSCIANO

Dear anyone outraged by Miley Cyrus,

I am outraged by your outrage and this post is probably going to outrage you also – so brace yourselves.

Admittedly, it has been a big few weeks for Miles.

She obviously has a bee in her bonnet about shaking the Disney squeaky clean image and announcing to the world that she is all grown up. I did that by having a 21st birthday party, she is choosing a route that involves twerking with dwarfs, violating foam fingers and gratuitous tongue gestures.

Each to their own right?

But today I wish to focus on her new video clip “Wrecking ball” as I feel that ALL the words have already been written about her VMA performance. It’s time for us to talk about something new. THIS:

The clip opens with some super-close-up delicate single tear crying from Miles (with strands of saliva hanging from her teeth to show she really means it).

My initial thoughts were: Miley has lovely coloured eyes, what is that shade of lipstick I need it and holy HELL her teeth are dazzling!

Then we move into some glamourous demolition action, while wearing white undies (sure, that may break a few health and safety rules if it were a real work site).

Then Miley pops herself onto a real life wrecking ball (I love a literal music video clip) and is shown both with underwear and without.

There is a bit of writhing in rubble and some interesting mouth action with a mallet.

Yes, the mallet could be a phallic symbol or it could just be that it was in her hands and she was going for sexy. OR Miley may just have a thing for demolition tools.

Big deal.

Stop it with the outrage because it’s boring and she looks good. From what I can gather, the song is about feeling raw and torn apart and I think Miley achieved that feeling marvelously. I am also in true amazement that Miley has NO thigh spread induced cellulite as she sits on that giant cement ball nude. You know what I mean, when you sit on something in shorts and you skin gets smushed and dimples appear. She is so damn pert.

Miley is having a crack at sexorversy.

NB: This is my own fusion of sex and controversy! It’s official definition is to use ones sexuality to attract controversy. You can totally use it.

Madonna did it, Gaga did it, now Hannah Montanna is stepping up. This is nothing new and why so many people are upset by it, is beyond me. Incidentally, the video was directed by Terry Richardson who specialises in SEXOVERSY (see how good this word is? It works!)

Also don’t even bother with the role model stuff. You know the, “Miley was a Disney kid and her fans are young. She needs to set an example. She needs to act appropriately. She’s a role model”.

Don’t EVEN bother.

Ten years ago little girls loved Miley but those little girls are twenty-years-old now and probably pulling the same moves every weekend at <insert hot new club in your area here>.

to those who are outraged, I say: Please go and find something real and meaningful to care about, this isn’t it.

On another note, this is an excellent “Car Power Ballad”.

You know those ones that you sing with the occupants of the car at the top of your lungs with reckless abandon. Think “Since you’ve been gone” by Kelly Clarkson and Katy Perry’s “Roar”. If nothing else Miley has produces a very strong Car Power Ballad indeed.

Ride on Miley Cyrus, ride on.

Your friend, Em.

Em Rusciano is a comedian, singer, writer and entertainer. She previously hosted the popular Mamamia Today afternoon program on the Austereo network. You can follow her on Twitter here and take a look at her website here. You can also find her Facebook page here. 

Does the world need to lay off Miley Cyrus?