Q.
Erin,
I think I feel bad?
So I’ve been talking to this guy I met on a dating app. I called him one night and realised he was using a texting app to contact me and was lying as well.
He flat out told me he had a girlfriend and that his girlfriend checks his phone… but he likes me a lot, and his relationship is complicated. He doesn’t wanna be with her anymore. That’s why he was looking for someone new.
Listen: Osher Gunsberg and Leanne Hall discuss how to break the cycle of bad relationships. Post continues after audio.
My feelings for him won’t go away. I still contact him. I mean he’s clearly unhappy.
Do you think I’m a home wrecker?
A.
Oh honey, don’t be that person.
Don’t be the person who ignores obvious red flags, not to mention your moral compass, because you’re getting romantic attention.
It’s not a good look. How do I know? Because I’ve been that girl.
I’ve been the one who ignored the warning signs, manufactured feelings where there were none, ignored the fact that I was actively participating in deceiving and hurting someone else because I liked the attention, I wanted to feel wanted, and I had a crush.
That’s what this is — a crush.
He’s just some guy you met on a dating app. (I am assuming you haven’t met in person based on what you said in your email.) You have very little invested here. Get out of this situation now before it gets any messier.
Regardless of how unhappy he may be, what he is doing is wrong (it’s clearly not an open relationship, or he would not be hiding this from the girlfriend). It doesn’t matter how “complicated” his relationship is. He is not displaying any qualities that should make you want to pursue this.
He is showing you he’s a liar, a cheater, and a wimp who doesn’t have the guts to be honest with his girlfriend and get himself out of an allegedly unhappy situation.
Move on from him and allow yourself the space to find someone who is available and healthy. This guy is not a healthy person. And don’t you want something better for yourself — something better than knowingly participating in someone else’s infidelity?
Trust me when I say you are lucky you found this out now.
The universe has shown you the exit door. You just need to walk through it.
This story originally appeared on Ravishly, a feminist news+culture website.
Follow us on Twitter & Facebook and check out these related stories:
Ask Erin: Is He Single Or Not?
Ask Erin: Is My Gambling Addict Partner Gambling My Life Away?
Ask Erin: I'm In Love With My Best Friend, But He Has A Girlfriend; What Do I Do?
Top Comments
Don't disagree with the advice given, though it didn't actually address the question: "does this make me a home wrecker?". Answer is no, "home wrecker" is an outdated term that suggests men can't control themselves and therefore it's up to women to protect the "homes" of others, because men cannot be held accountable for their actions.
If he's willing to cheat on her with you, what makes you think he won't cheat on you with the next woman?