If you've been watching the trainwreck TV juggernaut that is Netflix's Love Is Blind, you'll know that virtually every groom this season is covered in so many red flags they look like chicken pox patients.
The premise of the show, for those not invested, is this: a group of singles date one another behind a wall, without being able to see each other. Once they're invested in a relationship, they propose (told you it was trainwreck TV) and finally get to see their betrothed in the flesh. They spend the next four weeks with cameras rolling, deciding whether love truly is blind, and whether they can go ahead with the wedding they are now planning with someone they only met weeks ago.
This season has had cheating grooms, hidden children and baby mamas, a man who dumped his bride-to-be for having a nap, and a man who literally didn't know how to boil pasta. So, basically, a microcosm of the hellscape that is dating in 2024.
One man, however — Ramses — seemed smitten and committed from the start. He fell in love with a woman named Marissa. She fell in love with him. They communicated, were respectful, and apart from a few key political differences and a truly ill-advised crochet two-piece worn by him on his honeymoon, things looked rosy.
Then, two days before the wedding was supposed to happen, he bailed. Went from 100 back down to zero with the speed of a Ferrari driving backwards.
And reader? You don't have to have watched a single episode of this show to know Ramses' type.
As a friend messaged me upon watching the episode where he leaves Marissa's confused heart splattered across the floor of their short-term rental apartment: "Ramses is the ultimate AIUHI guy."
The acronym? All. In. Until. He. Isn't. AIUHI.
We've all dated this man.
It starts with a bang — there's a natural connection, there's no agonising three-day wait between messages, the banter is effortless, consistent.
Things ramp up over the next few dates — long, unhurried conversations, lots of sex, and an easy intimacy that feels as though you've been together for much longer than you have.
He starts dropping the 'we' words. "We should check out this new micro-brewery next month". "We should go to my cousin's wedding in Bali together in April". "We would have the cutest children together."
Couples counsellor and psychotherapist Melissa Ferrari told Mamamia that this type of dynamic is all too common in today's dating world.
"It is something I am seeing more and more of in my practice and it's impacting all ages," she said.
"What a lot of single men are telling me is that there are so many women seeking a relationship that they could sleep with a different woman every night if they wanted to."
Fabulous.
But the AIUHI man doesn't appear to be seeking a quick night of passion before vanishing without a trace in the morning.
The AIUHI man is fuelled by something more — it's something about the way he sees himself reflected in the eyes of his new love interest. The dopamine not of sex, but possibility of getting to role-play being a 'boyfriend' for a heartbeat.
Watch: Dating translated. Post continues after video.
He gets the reward of being able to give a woman exactly what she wants, without actually having to follow through.
Because, as is usually the case with the AIUHI guy's pattern, while nothing has been set in stone just yet, there are always enough dangling pieces of love-bait to let you know he is thinking long term with you. That you don't need to have your guard up quite so much. That you can relax with this man — he's not a game-player, he's in this.
Until he's not.
"I was dating a guy for two months earlier this year, and it absolutely destroyed me," said one recipient of the AIUHI guy's behaviour.
"He was always talking about at least three months in advance — sending me gigs that were on next year, even! He kept telling me how much he loved spending time with me, missed me when I was gone, etc. I was initially reserved, but over the weeks we were together (and it was at least three or four nights per week) I began to believe him."
"He'd just gone home on a regular Sunday afternoon after spending the previous day and night together. I didn't hear from him at all that evening, which was weird, and the following morning I got the breakup text. He said he wasn't looking for something that serious and needed to 'focus on him'. 24 hours earlier he had literally been on Luxury Escapes looking up overseas resort trips for us to do together over New Years'. Talk about whiplash."
The 'not' part comes at different stages for every relationship. Maybe it's right after you decide you're exclusive. Maybe it's just before meeting your parents, or you meeting his. Maybe it's after he's insisted you bring some clothes and a toothbrush over to his house because you're staying over so often and he "wants you to feel at home".
While the timing of the drop might vary, the devastation is universal. One minute he's in, planning mini-breaks and rewatching Succession with you on Friday nights, the next he's 'got a lot on' and 'doesn't want to lead you on with something this isn't'.
Basically, he doesn't just get cold feet, he gets frostbite. And you never hear from him again.
Ferrari said that while it can be hard to spot the AIUHI guy in the wild, there will be a few red flags.
"If you have met someone and very early in a budding relationship they are coming on too strong and talking about your future together, kids and asking if they can leave a toothbrush — that should ring an alarm bell or two," she said.
"If the guy is there for the right reasons, because they like you and want to get to know you, then they will take time to build a connection that matters."
Feature Image: Getty.
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