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7 things divorced people want you to know about relationships.

Image via iStock.

When it comes to relationships, divorcees might not be the first people you’d consider asking for relationship advice, but they can offer valuable wisdom about what works and what definitely doesn’t.

Reddit users, and those currently going through divorce, share the 9 things separated people want you to know about love, marriage and partnership

1. Don’t expect a person to change.

“The best advice I can give is, about two months into any relationship, that thing about the other person that drives you insane which you hope eventually changes and they promise will change – it won’t change,” says Reddit user Jvo. Doing so will only get your relationship off to a bad start and hold unrealistic expectations for the future.

2. Do not take divorce lightly.

“If you’re bored or just not ‘vibing’ right, then keep working on your marriage,” says Julie Marron*. If you sense something isn’t right, consider a trial separation and try to work through any issues because divorce can be very expensive.

3. Stay true to yourself

“Don’t compromise on what you know is right, and always be true to you,” advises Reddit user Roscoe.

Whether it’s in marriage or divorce, don’t forget who you are and your worth as an individual, rather than just as half of a couple. (Post continues after gallery.)

4. Children are not the answer to an unhappy marriage.

“Never have children to ‘save’ the marriage. A marriage needs to be saved before bringing new members into a family,” says Alex Carson.

5. And don’t use them as pawns in divorce.

“Never bad mouth the other parent in front of your children,” says Marron.

“You made the choice to have them as the other parent, not your child. Do not make them suffer for it.”

6. Your friends are a good barometer of your relationship

One Reddit user advises not to marry someone your friends can’t stand or who doesn’t like your friends.

Your friends are an important barometer of relationships. Image: NBC.
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"At best this is a warning sign that you aren't that compatible - your friends are part of who you are, and while spouses and friends may match different aspects of your personality, they should at least both be close enough and good enough fits that if they rub each other wrong, something is out of place," he says.

"At worst, this is a major symptom of an abusive relationship, part of the general pattern of isolating the abusee and trying to remold their personality into one pleasing to and dependent on the other." (Post continues after gallery.)

7. You've got to want to be with the person

It's a hard lesson to come to terms with but you do not owe it to anybody to be with them. There doesn't need to be a huge argument or a cheating scandal - feeling unhappy or no longer being in love with your partner is enough to re-evaluate.

"I was with somebody for far too long simply because she was a very sweet person and there was nothing overt to complain about in the relationship. But prolonging something where the love isn't there anymore only hurts you both," shared one Reddit user.

What's your golden piece of advice when it comes to relationships?

*Name has been changed.

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