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When it comes to relationships, divorcees might not be the first people you’d consider asking for relationship advice, but they can offer valuable wisdom about what works and what definitely doesn’t.
Reddit users, and those currently going through divorce, share the 9 things separated people want you to know about love, marriage and partnership
1. Don’t expect a person to change.
“The best advice I can give is, about two months into any relationship, that thing about the other person that drives you insane which you hope eventually changes and they promise will change – it won’t change,” says Reddit user Jvo. Doing so will only get your relationship off to a bad start and hold unrealistic expectations for the future.
2. Do not take divorce lightly.
“If you’re bored or just not ‘vibing’ right, then keep working on your marriage,” says Julie Marron*. If you sense something isn’t right, consider a trial separation and try to work through any issues because divorce can be very expensive.
3. Stay true to yourself
“Don’t compromise on what you know is right, and always be true to you,” advises Reddit user Roscoe.
Whether it’s in marriage or divorce, don’t forget who you are and your worth as an individual, rather than just as half of a couple. (Post continues after gallery.)
4. Children are not the answer to an unhappy marriage.
“Never have children to ‘save’ the marriage. A marriage needs to be saved before bringing new members into a family,” says Alex Carson.
5. And don’t use them as pawns in divorce.
“Never bad mouth the other parent in front of your children,” says Marron.
“You made the choice to have them as the other parent, not your child. Do not make them suffer for it.”
6. Your friends are a good barometer of your relationship
One Reddit user advises not to marry someone your friends can’t stand or who doesn’t like your friends.