Just when you thought you’d got your life back – mortgage paid, house to yourself, a bit more cash in hand, freedom to become reckless again, it all goes tits-up as your children, thinking they are doing you a favour, present you with their children – commonly known as your grandchildren.
Don’t get me wrong … we actually do crave to fill the void that our children have left – but we never realise the cost, both physical and mental, as well as the burden on our poor ageing knees.
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Grandchildren are lovely. Yes, I mean that. Just one smile excuses all the dishevelment, raised blood pressure and clearing up mashed bananas off the floor. But there are rules, of course. The announcement of the pregnancy. Bottle of fizz, phone all your friends, be joyous and genuinely over the moon. How wonderful that we’re going to be grandparents, everybody! We are responsible for a new generation. Aren’t we clever?
1–6 months.
This is easy. They just lie there. Some are now on bottles so we grandparents can share in the feeding. We can almost feel the bond opening up before our very eyes, a feeling that can even reduce you to an emotional wreck. You continue to have that bottle of fizz and phone the friends again. Isn’t grandparenthood just the best thing ever!
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6–12 months.
A different matter. This time, you actually need that bottle of fizz for medicinal purposes, and you phone your friends for advice and reassurance. The knees by now have totally given up. But that little smile shines through and all is wonderful again.
You have already forgotten the sleepless nights (that’s when, as a wonderful parent to your own children, you actually offer to babysit and have your grandchildren stay over); now it’s tidying away all those items they invariably want to touch, let alone spending a good chunk of the evening putting all the toy paraphernalia away.
Of course, we don’t have childproof houses any more. But why, after having put out sensible play things, do they (girls and boys alike) head for the switch of the oven, or electricity sockets, with such determination and speed? And this is on all fours too (myself included).
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The speed seems to be faster at my house, more than at their own home, or is that because I am slower? Need to think about that one. That bond between generations could become a little weakened if not checked but, once again, that smile comes through and our response now says that it’s absolutely fine with us to target more electric sockets – be my guest to unplug and detune the TV while you’re at it. Let’s face it, Peppa Pig, My Little Pony or Thomas the Tank Engine are no match to the really exciting things in life: a big hug, an affectionate kiss and we’re off again. Love it!
12– 24 months.
As soon as the wee ones start talking – now we have lift-off . It’s just heaven. That bond we hoped has been sown and fed in the 1–6 months bit is now beginning to yield its harvest.
They call you Grandma (or Nana, Granny or whatever) for the first time, and this is when we actually realise that we ARE grandparents. Getting old. After all, the grandchildren are reminding us of that each time they call you Grandma (or Nana, Granny or whatever) – that you are their grandparent. How did that happen?
But it is firmly established – we have a special place in the hierarchy of the family.
2–3 years.
This next stage is not so simple. How can a child, who has only lived for three years, be so demanding, and quite frankly premeditatedly devious? And we’re expected to fall in with it, keep calm and accept that this is the 21st century.
As we know, one of the most important rules of being a grandparent is to keep your mouth shut (rolling of the eyes might be more acceptable unless a photo is being taken at precisely the same moment of said eye movement. Then it’s on Instagram, showing your feelings worldwide, so it’s probably back to the preferable option of just keeping quiet).
But has the generation between ours and their children completely forgotten, or even remember, the word, ‘discipline’? No should mean no! But no! (Sorry about the abundance of the word ‘no’.)
Picture this: the grandchild can politely ask for something (a snack, a drink, play date, a new outfit etc) and, if not acceptable, the grandparent politely says ‘no’, adding some explanation as to why the request was rejected. Then the tournament begins.
Grandchild relentlessly asks again and again. The politeness turns to tantrum, tantrum turns to tears and in the end we back down just to keep the peace. Grandchild grins and mutters, ‘Yes! Knew they’d give in.’
4 years and upwards.
Thankfully, grandchildren become far easier to handle and please. In fact, we can learn from them. Every time you see them it’s crazy how much they have grown, both in stature and intelligence. And that bond seems to tighten. That bond is cooking. That bond is priceless.
So, to sum up…
It’s just the most wonderful feeling and experience to be a grandparent, to look after and cherish the grandchildren, to see them change from the scanned hospital photo into proper little people, to see a family resemblance, to melt when they acknowledge your existence, to be proud that your own children have been so clever, etc … but how nice to give them back!
And then the following day, actually ache at not being with them, missing them like hell and enthusiastically making arrangements to meet up again as soon as possible. Human nature – nothing like it. I love it.
This is an edited extract of Mama Still Got It by award-winning content creator and author Louise Boyce. Vanessa MacCallum, who wrote this piece, is the mother of Louise, Bonnie and George, and grandmother of six children.
Feature image: Supplied.
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