A woman has fallen pregnant from having anal sex.

It’s the stuff of nightmares: a woman has fallen pregnant by having anal sex.

Yes. You read that right.

The birds and the bees are pretty simple, right?

When a man and a woman love each other very much (or, you know, they’re just in the mood), the man inserts his penis into the woman’s vagina. A baby may or may not form in the woman’s uterus as a result.

If, just for fun, the man chooses to insert his penis into another orifice instead – say, the anus – they will definitely, certainly, never, not in a million years make a baby. At least, that’s what we always thought.

BUT WE WERE WRONG. WE WERE SO WRONG.

A woman – who, understandably, prefers not to be named – has fallen pregnant through anal sex.

Brian Steixner MD, a urologist with the Jersey Urology Group in Atlantic City, treated the pregnant woman one night when she arrived at the hospital complaining of spotting, which is not unusual in a pregnancy – except when the blood is coming from your rectum.

It turns out that this woman was born with a cloacal malformation, which is a very, very, very rare condition where a female is born without a separate urethra, vagina and anus. Instead, those with cloacal malformation only have a single hole, called a cloaca.

Normally, the defect is repaired at birth, but in this case, the surgery may have been botched, because she tended to get her periods rectally, and despite having exclusively anal sex leading up to the conception, she was 100% preggers.

If you’re freaking out right now, you can probably breathe a sigh of relief. Cloacal malformation only affects one in a million women, and it’s identifiable at birth. So the chances of it happening to any of us are really slim.

The woman in question has now delivered her baby via C-section (thank god, because the delivery raised a whole lot of other questions) and both mum and baby are healthy and happy.

The moral of the story?

Never trust the birds and the bees. They’re liars. All of them.

What’s the biggest lie the birds and the bees told you?

Read more:

The video of men trying pregnant bellies is everything you want it to be.

The sex toy that can get you pregnant.

6 occasions it sucks to be sober and pregnant.