By ZOE ADLER BISHOP
I was terrible at contraception when I was young. Child #1 was conceived with the ‘don’t worry I think I’m infertile’ method. Child #2 the ‘using condoms but not properly’ way. Both kids were much wanted and loved, but when I ended up in a new relationship I went for ‘the gates are closed’ principle, got both nipples pierced and chose an Intra Uterine Device (IUD).
My mum was one of the broke young women in the sixties who trialed these little gadgets, which attach to your uterine wall and make it too hard for eggs to get cosy. The copper in the device was the key back then, but now they also make them with hormones. I have enough on my plate with my own hormones, so decided I’d go old school and get copper. At the clinic they tried to change my mind. It’s $170 for the copper IUD and free for the hormone one, which stops you menstruating. But I’m a hippy from way back and don’t mind my monthly bleed telling me everything is in order.
‘Who’d chose to keep a messy period?’ said the female doctor, before snorting, ‘you obviously’. Her pushiness made me wonder if the hormone IUDs are now being trialed on women, but less openly. I was glad when the anesthetic kicked in and her face disappeared.
The periods were messy. Long and intense, just what you’d expect when you mess with your uterine wall. But the sex was messy too, in a good way, relaxed and natural. No more fumbling with condoms. I’d tried the pill as a teenager and got too moody. I’d failed at using a diaphragm when travelling – it ended up melting in the glove box. The IUD was hassle free sex. The nipple piercings went. They’d looked great but were too annoying. The IUD stayed.
Top Comments
I hate condoms but I've used them religiously when I'm single. I am allergic to the pill. I am scared of things like IUD. BUT I am either really lucky (or intuitive) that both my long term partners have been highly skilled in the withdrawal method! And it has worked - two wanted pregnancy in 20 years - I think that's a good hit rate. And I am highly fertile as there was no waiting to get pregnant with either of my babies. GO TANTRA! Being in tune with ones body is awesomely pleasurable. I get off, he gets off, sexy mess all over me but no babies - everyone's happy :)
Natural method i.e. Billings Ovulation Method. It involves observing the consistency of cervical mucus, and inferring fertility from that. It is *not* the rhythm method, and can be used even if you're not regular.
For the first five years of our marriage, we were half-way around the world from our family, didn't want to have kids under those circumstances, and didn't. Once we were home and in a place of our own, we stopped avoiding pregnancy, and I was pregnant within about 3 months. Period then returned when bub was 3 weeks old, but we weren't ready for bub #2, so back to avoiding pregnancy, which we did successfully. Then decided we were ready, and I was pregnant within about 6 months of that decision.
It's been a complete winner for us! And no costs or side effects. One long period of abstinence (from intercourse / genital contact, not from all sex) recently, because I hadn't got my period / cycle back, and was having trouble making useful observations. I'd just decided I should really focus on working out what's going on (consistent observation and charting), when my period returned. This probably means there'll be a more discernible pattern / cycle now, and should make it a lot easier to pin down the infertile times. This means 'messy sex', as you describe it, is perfectly fine any time, for 1-2 weeks every cycle, and also OK under somewhat restricted circumstances earlier in the month. Basically only requires complete abstinence (again, only from genital contact) during menstruation, and for a few days around the peak of fertility.
Not really happy having to deal with a period again after a long break (breastfed bub is 10 months old), but at least the upside of returning fertility is recognisable *in*fertile times!