What NOT TO say to a mum who’s going back to work.
These are the 5 things you should stop saying to a new mum. Right now.
1. “Why do you feel the need to go back to work so soon…they’re so little?”
If you weren’t feeling guilty enough, this little cracker thrown at you from family and friends can really turn on the guilts. As a new parent you are not so prepared for the random comments of strangers on such wide-ranging topics from parenting to food choices.
We say, get used to it! We can’t change those randoms out there and their ability to strip away any self confidence a new mum had in her own abilities but we can choose to ignore them. A polite smile and nod, a satirical, throw-away line about the way they have been parented to end up like that or, a well-timed baby poo that sucks all oxygen out of the air and replaces it with a poo smell toxic to the nose of anyone other than their parents.
This is the only weaponry we have against these self-professed do-gooders.
Remember: Your child, your choice.
When someone says to you, “I can tell a child who is in childcare, can you?”
You should reply: “Are they the well adjusted child sharing his toys and helping to pack stuff away?”
Seriously, this is an oldie but a goodie. New mums, be prepared for this one, particularly from the older generation who were SAHMs with one wage supporting the household with a mortgage that in today’s money would buy you a high-end bicycle. But it’s myths like these that keep women in ‘their place’.
Good childcare whether it’s a family member, nanny or childcare centre provides nurturing development and early education in the most crucial years. Their education also covers social skills in the context of their developmental ability. Ever tried teaching an 18-month-old how to share? They don’t do it well because they haven’t grasped the concept of sharing. They think it means giving up their toy.
Childcare doesn’t make a child rough.
3. “I heard recently that a child escaped from that childcare centre in your suburb, luckily they found the child down the road...”
Fear factor.
You remember being pregnant and the horror stories you were told. It wasn’t all orgasmic active births was it? It was the goriest, life-threatening stories they could share.
Was that in any way information that could assist you? Hell, no! So why do parents find the need to share this information? Most of the crazy childcare stories you here about come out of America where the sector is largely unregulated. Approved childcare centres and services in Australia undergo a rigorous assessment and rating system to gain and maintain their status. Ask around in your local area. Tap into the local mummies' Facebook page and listen to the word on the street combined with your own observations when you visit the childcare service.
4. “They will get upset but as soon as you’re gone they’re fine.”
Firstly as a first-time mum I don’t want to hear that they are going to be upset. I already KNOW THAT!
And secondly, in a strange way I want them to miss me and not just dismiss me when I drop them off. Being a little bit upset is not so bad. It’s these mixed feelings that characterise the first few weeks of childcare. Like anything, it takes a while to get used to a new routine. There will be a period of adjustment and some kids adapt quicker than others. To make it easier on both of you, try a phased return. Initially begin with a few hours, half a day and full day. It can make it easier for the both of you.
Sometimes jumping straight back into work and childcare can be quite a shock to the system!
5. “Do you need the money, doesn’t your husband have a good job?”
Not everyone is as rude to come out and say something as archaic as this, but some people still live in the dark ages when it comes to their views about men and women’s roles in society. The best strategy is to surround yourself with other mums who inspire you and share your ideas on careers and ways of parenting. These guys are your sounding board for when you get crazy comments like these who will support you when you are on the brink of verbally abusing your 24-year-old colleague for always moaning about being tired.
As a mother we will be judged and at different times in your life, in different circumstances, you will take this personally.
Gather a support crew, be true to yourself and what you want for your child and you know you are travelling in the right direction!
What did you find was the hardest thing about adjusting to going back to work?
Like this? Try This:
11 things that you may not know are happening at daycare.
“Full time mummy is not a job title. It is a biological status.”
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