by EVANDA BARBARA
Trigger warning: This post deals with themes of self-harm.
I’m a mother currently negotiating life with a thirteen year old girl.
A thirteen year old girl who once slept each afternoon on my tummy till she was almost three and I was too pregnant for her to lie on me. A thirteen year old girl who was quiet, unassuming, academic in nature and made me proud. Every. Single. Day.
Then, a few months ago my home turned into a hormonal warzone.
The first major battle fought was over the juggernaut that is Facebook. My husband, who opposes the whole social media world, was adamant that no good could come of her getting an account.
We negotiated (her and me) because I was trying to ensure that she would socially integrate well going into high school. Any parent will tell you that in this day and age, all arrangements, parties, “get togethers” and the like, happens via Facebook. The home phone line is obsolete.
My husband relented. There were conditions. During school term – only on Friday afternoons and for the weekend. School holidays are a free zone. I have the passwords and do random checks.
I’ve had some parents tell me what an invasion of privacy they felt it was that I was monitoring her Facebook account. I responded by telling them how completely irresponsible they were not to.
Top Comments
I suffered from severe depression as a teenager, back when Tumblr was still in its early days, and I definitely used it as a bit of a screaming board. I'd go there and I'd post my deepest, darkest secrets and write about how I was feeling in certain moments. When I first realised I was depressed/anxious, I was 15 years old, and I had a nervous breakdown. It had been going on for much longer than that (I had DEFINITELY had an eating disorder the previous two years and small amounts of self-harm I was in complete denial about had been happening for years), and anyway, my parents told me they didn't believe me at first. I felt devalued and it made it much worse. My suggestion is to get her into a child psychologist straight away because when you find the right one, they are the best thing ever. As an adult, I still see mine every couple of months for a catch up just because we got so close when I was seeing her twice a week every week for so long. You never know what has been happening to your daughter, whether it's chemical, PTSD (mine was a mix of both - I had always been an anxious child who got bullied for being a nerd in a country town, and then was molested by family friends when I was 11, parents had no idea until I was 20 and mostly recovered), so take her seriously, and do everything you can do in your power to help. My parents used to let me sleep with them sometimes when it got really bad, and that was when I was 16/17. Depression stops you from sleeping properly at night, so be mindful of that, and just try and be there for her as much as you can. It's going to be a pretty awful few years, but she can get through it with lots of love and support. I wish your family the best in this time, and don't focus on the social media side of it, focus on getting your daughter the help she needs.
I am a School Counsellor/ Psychologist and I unfortunately have to make te phone calls home all to often. Thank-you for writing this article this is a hard phone call to make and I always try to remember who I am speaking to is going to feel a range of emotions. Please know that we want to help you with your child's challenges in life however personal or confronting they may be, do not be afraid to call with questions or concerns and are always encouraging your children to speak to their parents.