I used to love the sealed sections in magazines. They just provided the most handy tips (lol puns) for every inexperienced teen out there of what to expect when you finally became old enough to be doing the deed. It’s only when you grow up a little that you realise the advice you’re being given is probably not all that… correct. It can get a little weird. Oh who are we kidding, it can get really f*cking bizarre.
As one male has told me, any sex advice you read in Cosmo… “Seriously, just don’t f*cking do it.”
For your enjoyment, here’s some of the weirder (or just plain stupid) sex tips that have made their way into our conscious.
1) “Lift his arm and lick the bottom part of his armpit, where it connects with his chest.”
2) “Slip on cashmere gloves and stroke his member.”
Oh yeah no worries, now that we are partially or fully naked, let me just whip out my beautiful cashmere gloves I keep handy (no pun intended this time) and start stroking, because we can all afford cashmere gloves and obviously the sole purpose of them is to stroke a penis with them.
3) “Softly bite the skin of his scrotum.”
I’m sorry, I just feel 99.9 per cent of the time any sentence that uses the word bite and scrotum will just end badly.
Top Comments
i get that the author thinks they are some kind of with it/out there sex expert, however the true virginity of real sex of the author is given away with the oldest no no in the book, at number 4, no matter how you plan to do it, only a teenage boy, a desperate loser or virgin would cop hand job from anyone, we're guys, we can not only do that ourselves, it is pathetic if you have to. hell even the lack of the swallow is just a hand-job with your lips.
I love hand jobs. Especially ones not give by me. Source: not a virgin.
6) thanks, I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight! That movie scared the absolute F outta me.,