Oh yuckity yuck.

So there's this girl called "Natalie Dylan" who is auctioning her virginity to the highest bidder. On the Tyra Banks show, Natalie meets one of her bidders, a 59-year-old creepy looking dude who Tyra says looks like her accountant and who says "I've never had a virgin before". Natalie (who says she's doing this because"I want to take control of my body") wants to be a sex therapist when she grows up. And I think I may want to be sick.

This is Matt. Matt loves porn.

      

"Nineteen year old Matt remembers first looking at pornographic magazines and videos when he was in his early teens. These days Matt always has it on him and can access it whenever he pleases via his mobile phone or computer. He reckons there is no real point in paying for porn anymore because it's all over the internet and it's free. Although admitting he did go through a time of near addiction to porn Matt says 'I don't think there's anything wrong with a healthy sex interest - I'm not running home everyday watching it 24/7. I think you can be a very normal person living a normal life and still have a healthy interest in porn.'"

This is from The Hack Half Hour program. If you have access to the ABC2 channel, make sure you check out The Hack Half Hour on Monday nights at 8:30pm. It's the TV version of the current affairs show Hack on Triple J. You can also watch the episodes online here.

A couple of weeks ago they did an episode on porn and boy did I learn a thing or two. First of all, someone really has to update "Where Did I Come From ". Sex has become far more tricky than just special cuddles. Now when we explain sex to our children, we'll have to warn them about not being photographed nude or in a sexual act by someone on their phone.

It's buisness time*

Have you been having sex with the same person for more than a year? Then you need to know this: there’s a 90 percent chance that you and your partner won’t have tried anything new in bed after your first-sex anniversary. Not even one teeny thing. And once you’re past the two-year mark? It’s almost certain the two of you will never try anything new in bed again. Never. Again.

That’s the startling sex news from psychologist, sexpert and author of the book Sizzling Sex, Dr Pam Spurr who interviewed more than 400 couples to confirm what many people already knew: variety may be the spice of life but not really of monogamy.

Dr Spur explained to The Times online, “I've come to call this the “two-year turn-off” because many partners find their uninspiring sex life does just that. There's often little motivation to have anything more than infrequent sex, which can cause relationships to flounder.”

And since women are usually the gatekeepers of sex in a relationship, the losers in the infrequent sex situation are most often men. A few months ago, I was reading a book which discussed this exact subject in one chapter.

I'm struggling to see how Pammy could wake up one morning and think this was a good idea.

I'm so glad I found some pictures of this to show you because when I saw a clip on E! News a couple nights ago of the season 5 premiere of The Girls Next Door, I thought that I really needed to work through my complex feelings about it in a group situation. Or maybe therapy.

Below, a still from the show where Pammy arrives at the Playboy mansion in the nude to present Hef with a birthday cake because he's turning, what, infinity? Almost. 82.

Yes, she's nude. Nude. 18 years after she was the Playboy playmate of the month and one year after she turned 40, the mother of two boys aged 10 and 8 decided it would be a good idea to be nude on TV. And then she gave Hef a lap dance. In the nude. Did I mention it was all captured for his reality show? Hers too probably.....

This girl is auctioning her virginity. Bids anyone?

On the left we have Howard Stern. Radio shock jock in the US. Like Kyle Sandilands crossed with a porno.
On the right, we have 'Natalie Dylan' (a pseudonym to protect her identity) who is letting Stern auction her virginity on his radio show. Niiiiiiice.
She's 22 and wants to use the money to pay for college.
Look, she isn't the first girl who has used her body to pay for her education...when I was at Cosmo we did a few stories about how this goes on right here in Australia.

Natalie has told the UK's Daily Mail: "I don't have a moral dilemma with it. We live in a capitalist society. Why shouldn't I be allowed to capitalise on my virginity? I want someone with chemistry. We'll take bids until I find a suitor I'm happy with.'

The winner of the auction will get to sleep with her at the brothel, the New York Daily News reports. Romantic!

This is funny. Because it's true. But.....

'Cosmopolitan' Institute Completes Decades-Long Study On How To Please Your Man

The whole 'how to please your man' accusation is not a new one for Cosmo. And in many ways, it's true. Cosmo has always run a whole lot of content that covers this subject.
However.
I will say two things about that.
Firstly? Women want to know how to be good in bed. They do. We do. I know this because sales always increased when we ran coverlines like "How to blow his mind" etc. Which we did often BECAUSE THE READERS WANTED IT. Not all women are born with the knowledge or the confidence to go for gold in the bedroom.
And like every other area of our lives - our hair, our careers, our wardrobes, our relationships, our brains - women like a bit of self-improveent. We like to get better at things. We like to do things well. Sex is no exception.
HOWEVER.

C is for CREEEEEEEEEEEEEPY.

Imagine your dad taking you to a purity ball. This is a black-tie event held in America where girls aged from tweens to college age go with their fathers, step-fathers or fathers-in-law.

Basically, the girls promise their fathers to remain virgins until they get married. This 'deal" is often sealed with a ring given by the father to his daughter.

Still with me?

Sex by numbers.

Carla Bruni-Sarkozy and French President Nicholas Sarkozy

Let’s play pretend. Ready? You’re a supermodel in the nineties, back when the word actually meant something. You are truly, genuinely super, one of fewer than ten supermodels in the world. Your peers are Cindy Crawford, Naomi Campbell, Linda Evangelista, Claudia Schiffer, Stephanie Seymour, Helena Christensen and Elle Macpherson.
You began modeling when you were 19 and quickly landed campaigns for Christian Dior, Yves Saint-Laurent, Chanel and Versace. You work and play hard with the biggest names in the fashion, film and music industries. Life is good. You are the hotness.
You walk kilometres in tricky shoes down the catwalks of Milan, Paris, New York and London and by the mid nineties, you’ve starred on 250 magazine covers. It’s an endless, global party and you earn $7.5 million a year for turning up.
For two decades, famous men are desperate to sleep with you. Some succeed. Eric Clapton writes in his memoirs about falling madly in love with you and how he begged Mick Jagger not to steal you. Mick does anyway and is your on-off lover for years.

15 lovers. Is that a lot?

French first lady , former supermodel and talented musician (I have both her albums, waiting on the third to be released) Carla Sarkozy has revealed she had "about 15" lovers before marrying the French president.

Fox news reports:

French first lady Carla Bruni-Sarkozy denies she has had 30 lovers, despite shocking fans by referring to them in her recently released album. The 40-year-old ex-model insists the controversial lyrics “my 30 lovers” were a result of "poetic license.”"It's not that I had a lot of lovers. It's that I never hide them. It's a different thing. I have not one day of regret," she told Paris Match. She says in actuality she has had 15 lovers.Before marrying 53-year-old President Nicolas Sarkozy in February, Bruni dated a number of high-profile celebrities, including rockers Mick Jagger and Eric Clapton.

 

So. Given that the woman is 40 years old and divorced with a child, is 15 a lot, a little or just right?

Your reaction to this number will depend heavily on how many people YOU'VE slept with.

A condom or a vasectomy? Tough choice for some.

Bridget Monyhan, Tom Brady & Giselle Bundchen

I learnt two new things about sperm this week. The first is that some men are extremely paranoid about women stealing their sperm. The second is that other men are extremely keen to give their sperm away.

But let’s kick off with the paranoid guys because gee, they’re fairly committed to their belief that there’s a rampant group of sperm stealers out there masquerading as – wait for it – women who want to have sex with them. Why? So that she can get knocked up and then steal all his money, of course!

And how are they dealing with this irrational fear? By ripping their pants off and running to the doctor for a pre-emptive vasectomy in their twenties and thirties. Believe it, there’s a growing trend for young single American men to go the snip to protect their DNA.

As with most modern trends, this one appears connected with a celebrity. In 2006, American football player, Tom Brady, broke up with his girlfriend, actress Bridget Moynahan. Soon after, she announced she was pregnant with his child and he announced he was dating supermodel Giselle Bundchen. An obscenely good looking mess ensued, played out in the tabloids. Natch.