So, today I broke my scales.

I did. Not with my weight but with my foot. I stomped on them in frustration after they gave me three different weights with a 5kg fluctuation. 5kg is a lot and I am not in the mood to have my head messed with BY SOME STUPID SCALES. So I broke them properly. That'll teach them.

For many years I didn't have scales. Somehow some came into our house - and they were those tricky ones that measure your BMI etc. Useless when they toy with your emotions by 5kgs. I don't think I'll replace them.

Is a woman really ugly without make-up?

Apparently, it's a crime against beauty - or possibly humanity - to not wear make-up if you are female. Almost as heinous as the crime of looking [gasp] older than 18.

That's the attitude of the British press in particular and today's criminal is none other than Kate Moss.

PHOTOSHOP AWARDS: Who am I?

Normal size models make women feel better about themselves. Did they really need to do research to discover this?

When I used to put regular sized girls in Cosmo, I still used to get letters from readers bitching about the thin models in ads. "I don't control the ads" I'd tell them. "Contact the advertisers, tell them how you feel and vote with your wallet".

Besides Dove, no other advertiser listened and there has rarely been any deviation from the skinny model blueprint for advertising campaigns. The thinking has always been: thin sells more.

Now, Australian research has discovered that this is, in fact, bull. Bollocks. Rubbish.

Consumers' decision whether or not to purchase a product is not affected by the size of the model. BUT. After looking at ads featuring different sized women instead of just skinny ones, women felt better about their own bodies. Gee. Knock me down with a feather.

These are the world's best bottoms. Just like looking in the mirror, right?

Who cares if the economy is going down the toilet and it's armageddon on the share market?  In Paris, there was a World's Best Bottom competition. And these are the winners, male and female.

That's me on the right.

Back fat surgery. It's here.

 

In a recent interview about how she now WORKS OUT 2-3 HOURS A DAY, Gwyneth Paltrow complained of how hard it was to lose back fat after having her babies. Gwyneth? I hear you.

But I don't hate my back fat enough to go under the knife. Or the vacuum cleaner.

According to medical reports:

"For many patients—even the very fit ones, such as an aerobics instructor—the upper to mid-line back where the rolls and bulges form was very frustrating," said surgeon Dr Joseph Hunstad. "This redundancy of skin occurs generally from aging and cannot be exercised away. For those who desire to wear form-fitting outfits, this procedure eliminates the problem."

During the procedure the redundant skin was removed, sometimes up to 8 or 10 inches wide, and the remaining tissues were connected together. The whole process takes about an hour and as of now, 20 patients have gotten the bra-line back lift done.

Who am I? And - for bonus points - guess my age!

Yes, it's Cindy Crawford. The caption on the shot kinda gives you a clue, I know.

Meg? Annette? Are you in there?

It’s not often I walk out of a movie feeling annoyed. It’s not often I walk out of a movie at all because to walk out, you have to be there in the first place. Films are too long and my concentration span is too short so I don’t do the movie thing much. But this week, I went to see The Women and I walked out before the end.*

I’ll skip the part where I thought the script was lame, the plot patronising and the characters paper-thin because I’m not a movie critic. Nor have I seen the original 1930s film on which this re-make was based. However. I do have eyes and some brain cells, all of which were unimpressed by the frozen faces of the women in The Women.

Shall we start with Meg Ryan? Let’s. I loved her in When Harry Met Sally. She was real. Vulnerable, quirky, unique, funny. A few years ago, Meg must have decided she didn’t like her lips. Too thin. Or perhaps she started worrying about the longevity of her career as a leading lady. Or maybe she was just having an ugly day. It happens. But somehow, it all translated into a decision to change her face. Now she looks generic, not unique. In The Women she resembles a Victoria’s Secret model, unrecognisable from her Sally days. I wonder if that was the point.

Rachel Zoe's digital make-over. Can you tell which is the before shot?

Remember Rachel Zoe? She's a Hollywood stylist who famously fell out with client Nicole Ritchie and the two of them sledged each other in the press. Something about one - or both - of them being so skinny and not eating. There were rumours about Rachel influencing her much younger clients - like Mischa Barton and Lindsay etc - to stay thin at all costs (drugs, anyone?) and making them into cloned versions of themselves.
Now, Zoe has a reality show that's about to start and she's done an interview with US Harpers Bazaar to promote it.
In the accompanying photo shoot, they've padded her up to show what she'd look like as a size 8 - she's a size 0.

This is why I'm scared to let my daughter have a Barbie.

One day? They're playing on the floor with a doll. The next? They're taking out a loan for plastic surgery so they can BE Barbie. It's a slippery slope people and here is someone who slipped on the slope.

Sarah Burge, a 49-year-old housewife and beautician from  Cambridgeshire in the UK has spent £539,500 transforming herself into Barbie. The mother-of-three has undergone more than 100 surgical and cosmetic treatments including:

 "£32,000 to have her whole face lasered to remove a layer of skin to give it a more youthful look; £26,500 on perfecting her bust - including having it reduced and the nipples moved; £30,000 keeping her jawline firm; nearly £15,000 on her tummy; and £14,000 on keeping her bottom pert"

After the jump, how she looked before.....