Why, Poppy? WHY?

So I'm shopping at Woolworths today because we had NOTHING in the house to eat. Somehow we ate everything. Even the ingredients to -gasp- cook something. They were gone too. And I walk past the magazines and see the Woman's Day cover with one of those "BODIES AFTER BABIES" bloody coverlines that I loathe, accompanied by some chick I didn't recognise posing in a bikini with a baby absurdly placed on her hip.
On closer inspection, I discovered it was Poppy Montgomery and her POST-BABY BODY. Woo. And hoo.
Here is the shot (bought by Woman's Day from People)

[source: CBB]

How ironic that I had just spent my morning nodding my head vigorously while reading an editorial in the SMH about how far we've come (not) from pregnancy and motherhood being something to hide back in the 50s to something so sexualised that unless we conform to the Yummy Mummy ideal (like Ms Montgomery), we may as well hang our heads with shame.

The opinion piece by academics Sue Goodwin and Kate Huppatz said:

The yummy mummy phenomenon inspires passionate responses, from lust and admiration to approbation and contempt. But does it help or hinder women?

There is no doubt yummy motherhood has an upside. The taboo surrounding pregnancy did, after all, hold sway through most of the 20th century. From the prudish Victorian times on, pregnant women and new mums were regarded as, if not abject, then at least in poor taste.

...Yummy motherhood has allowed mothers to get out in public, to hang in groups at cafes. It has also made normal clothes (including skintight garments) acceptable for pregnant women. Mothers can now be seen as sexually attractive. More importantly, it has allowed them to be "hot".

....But reports of "pregorexia" - striving to stay thin during pregnancy - remind us of the dark underbelly of these positive changes. And pregorexia is not the only alarming trend surrounding the yummy mummy phenomenon. "Mummy makeover" is the term used to denote the set of radical cosmetic surgical procedures that women increasingly undergo post-birth. Some mothers claim to find a mummy makeover liberating but both pregorexia and the mummy makeover aim to eradicate the maternal body.

Both of these trends demonstrate how the idealisation of youthfulness has crossed into the maternal realm - women are expected to appear skinny and toned whatever their age and whether they've had children or not. Ironically, this means that while there has been much "motherhype" of late, mothers continue to sit uneasily in the public eye. It seems that mothers are simultaneously celebrated and eradicated.

The yummy mummy phenomenon, therefore, has a downside. In some ways, it seems our attitudes to motherhood have not shifted all that much since the days when pregnant women were pressured to stay hidden and indoors. We just express our ambivalence about motherhood and pregnancy in different ways. In particular, while the pregnant and post-pregnant body has been sexualised, unless it conforms to a rigorous youthful and skinny ideal it is considered taboo.

Progress. Oh wait. The opposite.

Comments

[Jaz]

*SIGH* does it ever end? Not only do we have all these pressures when we havent had a baby..but we also have pressures to be thin in a time when it should be the last thing on our minds...makes me sick. No wonder eating disorders are as common as apples.

[Cath]

I seriously get how pregnancy and the post baby body can get a girl down, especially when, for most of us, it can take ages to shift that weight you gained whilst ferociously 'nesting' (read 'eating muffins like there was no tomorrow) in the early stages of your pregnancy. And the middle stages. And the last bit. And while the baby's head was crowning... (great - now that space invader's out of me, I can fit in more muffins!).

So anyway, I don't like to be too judgemental about girls who are a bit neurotic about this. However, I agree things are getting a little out of hand with the whole pregorexia and mummy makeover thing. In my work,I see many young pregnant women,(some of whom have had body image issues before pregnancy, some haven't), who are simply unable to enjoy their pregnancy because they are consumed with worry about how 'fat' they think they look, and how repulsive they feel. They don't feel attractive, so won't have sex with their partners, or wear bathers, etc. Remember - not all of these women had issues before pregnancy, so I can't help but wonder if maybe the post baby celebs (who have maybe had a mummy makeover) have something to answer for. And then again, it might be all 'Spanx'! But that's not what these girls believe - they think it's posible to look awesome by the end of week 1,and that's what they're striving for.

This just makes me so sad, because pregnant, and post pregnant women seriously have enough to deal with, without putting all that pressure on themselves.

My own theory about baby 'weight' is that you're supposed to have some. The body takes time to recover, and you need to respect that and be gentle with it - not send it to boot camp straight after it's efectively walked a billion miles for you! As well as obviously helping you to carry and nurture your baby, I think there's a point to carrying a bit of extra weight at this time. And that is to remind you that it's not all about you anymore. There's something bigger going on with your body, that should make you realise how unimportant your looks, and your weight, and your skinny jeans, actually are.It's upsetting, it's annoying, and it's actually kind of humbling, but it's one hell of a wake up call.

We should all know by now, that being able to conceive a child is a gift - not neccesarily a given. To be able to carry it to term is also a gift. So you've been given two gifts right there. To be able to deliver a healthy baby - that's just a miracle these days. That's just the most goddamn awesome gift you could ever receive, and give to your family. Many people don't get that privilege, yet it's the only thing they'll ever want. So if your biggest issue is a few baby kilos, you're not really treating that gift with the awe and gratitude it deserves. That's how I feel about it, anyway - by all means whinge a bit when you can't shimmy into your little black dress. But don't lose perspective - it's temporary.

I also think the whole yummy mummy celeb thing is getting bit ho-hum. It used to be seen as awesome when someone looked fantastic as soon a they had their baby, but now everyone's doing it, it's quite boring. I love it when I see a celeb mum buck the 'system' and carry that little bit extra for a while. Liv Tyler, for example, looked quite voluptuous post baby, and didn't seem to give a hoot. How awesome would it be if the little post baby tum became the new black?

[Lu]

Cath your comments are a breath of fresh air - thankyou ! Maybe someone should send it off to Poppy and Co for a good read in between their lunges, crunches, meal replacement shakes or lettuce leaf ??

Surely the priortity should be the baby, being a good mum to the baby and having the energy to give the baby the best you can. Not to spend hours exercising daily (while baby is with someone else) so you can pose for bikini shots with said baby in tow ? I'm sure we all know women whose kids spend more time in the gym creche than they do at home. Its great to exercise and be healthy but I think sometimes its completely obsessive and unhealthy.

I've never heard of 'pregorexia' before but I just love it. Most of my friends had it. Educated, intelligent women scared of their next Obstetricians appointment because they had to get on the scales. Nearly all of them dieted or skipped meals so they didnt get 'FAT'. I think the first thing your Dr should tell you when you have your pregnancy confirmed is that if you dont gain 10-12 kilos you are risking your babies health. You are not getting fat - you are growing another human being. Obesity and its associated risks to pregnancy are always in the media, however its almost taboo to discuss the risks associated with being underweight on the mother and baby. I havent known any 'fat' pregnant women, but I have know plenty of thin ones.

[Peta]

I saw that magazine and thought the same thing, thats great Poppy way to make the rest of us feel like crap! I must say I felt obsessed about loosing weight after the birth of my son but I also had to return to work 4 months later, I think this was part of the pressure for me, but then I didn't have the option of baby sitters or gym creches so I walked with the pram a lot but my son liked it. I think we should all be allowed to hybernate for a while so we don't feel that pressure.

[Ali J]

Beautiful words Cath. Your point about having a healthy live baby being a gift should be bannered across all future Womans Day (or similar) photos of so-called "yummy mummies". Speaking as one who has had 3 healthy bubs, and lost a precious one late into the pregnancy to stillbirth, I so agree with you - and Mia for posting on this issue - that body image ranks pretty low down the scale on the things that are important in pregnancy. Of course noone likes being a bit flabby, or having lots of excess kilos, but hey girls! Stop, look into your healthy baby's eyes, and suddenly the wobbly butt and floppy tummy really shouldn't matter anymore.
And what about all those women who don't get to have a baby at all? Would they agree to carry an extra 5-10 (or more) kilos for a while in order to be able to hold a new born in their arms? Or forgo the skinny jeans for a while? It's a bit off really, all this smug flaunting of bodies that bear no signs of pregnancy or labour ... it doesn't show any respect for those who might have had a much harder time of it. Just think, ancient cultures revelled in round bodies, they invented goddesses to it. Where are we in comparison? Pregorexia ... how tragic ...

[Paula]

I was also on the post Christmas cupboard-is-bare Woolies run yesterday and I had to pick up the mag to read who the covergirl was as I did not recognise Poppy Montgomery.

As someone who's body is still in recovery after giving birth 4 months ago, here's some advice I received - it took 9 months for your body to grow with your baby, give yourself 9 months to get over it.

Then again, why not be happy with the fact that you have a baby to love and nuture. He/she loves and needs you regardless of the size of your butt!

[Knight Rider]

I hate, hate, hate the term yummy mummy. Why can't women just be considered attractive regardless of whether they have reproduced, age, size whatever?

[Rosie]

Great words Cath! And so true.

I have to say, I have never liked the term 'yummy mummy' - I actually find it quite offensive. Probably because when the phrase was first coined, I was dealing with a newborn, and 3 older children (my husbands from his first marriage) and wasn't feeling particularly yummy. I was actually feeling a lot stressed, and worrying about how on Earth was I going to manage to be a good mum. And IF I was going to be a good mum.

I was struggling, and then there were these women, coiffed, made up and wearing nice lothes with their babies, while I was lucky to get out of my PJ's on any given day, never mind actually getting to wash my hair. I felt like a failure.

I still don't hav the perfect hair or makeup. I have given that up as a lost cause. What I do have is healthy, happy children, 4 of whom have reached adulthood with no major disasters. I'm still not yummy, and I will never wear a bikini like Poppy's again, but my kids tell me I am a great mum. I know which I will take.

[s]

i have nothing to add, but (i'm a bit emotional today, i think) i just finished reading all these comments with tears in my eyes. all so true. *loved* your post Cath.

[SoccerMum]

Who is Poppy Montgomery anyway?