Getting angry at work is bad for your career.

I do love this scene from classic movie 9 to 5 where Dolly lets loose at her sleazy, sexually harassing boss. Go Dolly

But recent research, as reported by CNN, has shown that displaying anger at work is a career mistake for women:

Most employees -- male or female -- would hesitate to yell at their superiors, but new research provides new evidence that women who show anger in the workplace are viewed as less competent -- while men are not.

In three studies, 463 men and women between 18 and 70 years old watched video of actors pretending to be job seekers or employers. The participants then wrote down which applicants should get the job, the type of responsibility they could handle and how high their salaries should be.

"We found that the women (on the tapes) who were judged as angry lost out in every category," says Victoria Brescoll, an assistant professor at Yale School of Management. "When women express anger at work, no matter what they do on the job, they can be seen as 'out of control' or are viewed in a negative light."

I can't remember ever shouting at work. Nor can I remember every being shouted AT.
I always found that when they're angry, women are more likely to cry. From frustration at not being able to let loose probably.
Sometimes though, anger is warranted. Not in a bullying way but when you are treated badly and need to stick up for yourself or express your disatisfaction at a particular situation. Do women always have to be meak and mild? The double standard of men's anger being perceived as assertiveness while womens' is perceived as being "out of control" is something to feel seriously pissed off about.

Comments

[lesley]

Interesting post Mia...and timely for me, at least

I recently voiced my frustration in a raised voice at someone at work, because I was angry at their apparent lack of interest in doing their job...I've also been called some pretty shocking names at work...but I'm expected to sit back and cop it.

I remember some time back my "boss" yelled at me and accused me of doing something before actually asking me if I'd been responsible, which I wasn't. It took him the best part of 5 months to apologise and during that apology his explanation had been that he'd been under pressure because another staff member had just chucked a tantrum and "thrown down their handbag".

What hope have you got when you're up against that sort of mentality

[Angela]

As a manager I never yelled at anyone at work. I felt the need but found it more effective to take a time out and approach them calmly. They usually knew when they had stuffed up and knew if I was not happy.
I witnessed a huge yelling fight between a female colleague and our male boss in front of the entire office. I lost a bit of respect for both of them for not taking it behind closed doors. I think a lot of the staff were impressed that she had stood up to him in a big way.

When I first started work at 18 in a very male dominated field I was harassed, teased, baited but never once lost my cool which was exactly what they wanted. One guy really got to me teasing me on and on every day in front of the guys trying to get me to snap. One day I very calmly took him aside and explained how he was making me feel in great detail. He never bothered me again. This practice worked for me time and again and eventually gained me a lot of respect. After 4 years I was a very strong person.

I have found silence a more powerful weapon than yelling.

Now if I could only put this theory into practice when dealing with a 4,3 and 1 year old.
I yell at them all the time but they are probably smarter than the 400 odd guys trying to wind me up.

[Melanie]

I'm with Angela on this one. As a business owner who's worked from the bottem up I think control is what makes any person, male or female, a better employee or manager. They need to cope with the responsibilities that they are given. If any of my staff, male or female, flipped and felt the need yell then they obviously have difficulty in communicating and have kept something bottled up, or they are too volatile to keep on as staff.

I would hope it would never get to that stage. I also think that it is more effective getting control and explaining your case in a cool, calm manner rather than just screaming. If you are angry people will be able to tell by the way you lower your voice and talk steady and controlled. They will take you more seriously because there is something a little bit scary about someone who decidedly controls their emotions, even if they are furious. Their bite will be worse than their bark.

The same goes for sexual harrasment issues in the workplace. I love how Dolly rips into him, but in the 21st century reality a more effective way would be showing him a list of all the times and places she was harrassed and telling him that she's not afraid to use it if he keeps it up.

None of it is more momentarily satisfying than yelling, but it pays off in the bigger picture.

[Eliza]

This is gonna sound awful, but I'm just being honest...
I'm dissapointed that Mia's posts have just become mostly posts of pictures for "Frockwatch" and the kind of posts like the one above where Mia just copies and pastes a big section of someone else's writing and a little comment.
I started reading this blog 'cause I like the way Mia writes and I liked reading her posts but I feel like lately she's just been 'phoneing it in'.
The best posts on here now are the sunday columns and the essential baby posts - I miss when they were all more like that.
I miss Mia's writing, that's all I'm saying.
I guess I took this post to man it was ok for women to express their feelings -
No watch me get cruicified for it by the other commenters...

[Mel]

I just did a blog post where I wrote about how angry I was and listed all the things I could possibly think of that made me angry - and people were shocked. And that in itself made me angry (hah)

Anger...I know it's got to come out but it still seems like something you should learn how to cope with better.

[Angela]

I don't think you'll get crucified Eliza.
The blog has been a bit fluffy lately but I reckon good on Mia for not taking maternity leave yet.
Carrying a human being inside you is exhausting physically and mentally never mind dealing with other kids as well.
I'm impressed that we are getting as many posts as we are this late in the pregnancy.
What are we going to do when she drops out of circulation for a while?

[Eliza]

Thanks Angela, good point.
I hope Mia gives us an announcement about the baby when he or she comes!

[JLo]

Look, I agree that it is NOT professional to erupt in the workplace, but we are all human after all! A calm, well thought out response is always more effective, and as I get older am much better at walking away in the moment of pure frustration, settling down and coming back but sometimes an expression of frustration or anger is warranted (and luckily for me acceptable in my workplace.)

I just want to know - when ARE we (women) allowed to get angry?

We're not allowed to get angry at work, with our kids, at the shops, in our cars etc etc. With no other socially 'acceptable' options opening up to us (except for maybe telemarketers that call us at home at dinner time- expressing anger at them is totally acceptable these day) it's no wonder the rates of depression are increasing in women.

Depression is anger that has not been expressed turned inward. We are SUPPOSED to express anger appropriately and then let it go, if we don't it grows, it needs to come out.

Please let us know how we can do this without being judged/vindicated.

From one frustrated and proud of it woman.

[JLo]

Ok, not frustrated anymore.
See a little appropriate venting and all is good:)

[Mel]

Well said JLo and I'm right behind you on that!!

[melanie]

JLo - so with you on that one as well! Even when I argue with my partner there is a double standard! It's like he can get away with yelling but as soon as I do it's cause to "rethink our relationship" (this always passes - we do it by rote...)

We all need to rage in a healthy way without being judged for it, or even without people thinking there is a bigger issue than there really is! That is why I LOVE my girfriends. I'm normally a guy's gal, but when it comes too raging and getting those pains out of my chest (anxiety attacks from bottled rage - great I know) they are lifesavers.

I read somewhere that women drivers are the worst road ragers of all. Hmm - I wonder why!

[NumberChick]

I think its healthy to vent. I sometimes vent when I put out the washing, swearing and talking loudly to myself. I'm sure the neighbours think I'm nuts! Aaah they'd probably be right.

[Elizabeth]

Where is today's post? Maybe Mia has gone into labour.

[Angela]

That's what I was thinking too Elizabeth.

[NumberChick]

Elizabeth & Angela - I was thinking the same thing. Hope it all goes well if she has and looking forward to the news!

[Laura]

hehe that's what i was thinking too and I clicked on this blog post to see if anyone else was thinking it... :)

[Anastasia]

Anger is interpreted individually. I've worked with a lot of managers, and some twist the facts or emotions as they see fit. I remember a colleague almost crying, after being accused of being defensive (by a female manager) when all she did was state her case with an assertive tone (not hysterical, angry or similar). There are women who do try to emulate men but the thing is - they're not men, and it appears that the double standard exists, then again, I've noticed that when men do get angry at work, they tend to let off steam, it's not personally directed at all, and some women aren't like this: anger is personal to them, to the point where personal insults fly.

[michelle]

Ok, I'm just gonna be fickle and make my comment about Dolly Parton. She was so great in those days of Nine to Five and also the Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. She was so vibrant and pretty and adorable. I still like Dolly but after all the plastic surgery I had forgotten how she used to look.

Oh and Mia, I'm still lovin' your blog and thank you for still giving us posts so late in your pregnancy.