By ARIANE BEESTON
There are three people in my marriage: me, my husband, and the woman my husband calls “Prudence.” Prudence looks a lot like me. She sounds like me. And she’s a mum. But the similarities end there.
For the past 18 months, I’ve been really unwell. After the birth of our first son Henry, I suffered from post partum psychosis, a severe mental illness which affects approximately 1-2 per 1000 women. I’ve been hospitalised twice, see a psychiatrist weekly and take both an antidepressant and an antipsychotic.
This experience is, of course, a story in itself but one I’m not yet ready to tell in detail. It’s still a little raw, a little too painful and I don’t have a happy postscript. I’m still working on that part. Which brings me back to Prudence.
You see, Prudence is the version of myself who is still recovering. She’s the version who struggles to get out of bed in the morning.The one who puts milk in the pantry and sunglasses in the fridge. The person who bundles her son off to daycare with his shoes on the wrong feet. She’s the hopelessness and the worthlessness. The tears, the anxiety and the bone deep fatigue. Prudence is bad days personified.
Currently, my husband says Prudence appears about three or four days a week. The rest of the time, he says, I’m pretty close to being my old self.
When I asked him recently to describe what it’s like being around Prudence, my husband tentatively explained that his usually, very low maintenance wife, is replaced by a woman who is extremely high maintenance.
Top Comments
You need your MUM ! x
Ariane, I feel your pain. I feel your strength too. I went through PostNatal Psychosis after my 3rd child was born. Unfortunately, I did not have such a supportive husband and we divorced.
I still have black days but nothing like back then, thank Heavens.
All is very good now though! I have three strong beautiful adult children who are fulfilling their own lives. An added bonus is that the life experience of going through all that, gave me the strength to get a Nursing degree and go on to become a midwife too.
Blessings to you and yoursxxxx
Thank you so very much for taking the time to comment, water dragon. I'm so sorry to hear you had such a tough time but what an achievement to have gone on to be a midwife! What wonderful insight you must have to pass on to the women you care for.
Take care,
Ariane