Eight things you know if you went to an all-girls school.

July 7, 2016

There’s a special kind of knowledge that comes with having spent your formative years at an all-girls school.

For instance, you’re completely aware that Ja’mie King is not a fictional character. She’s a real person you went to school with. Her name is Rachel.

OK, just kidding; her name wasn’t Rachel. But let’s just say phrases like “a school that bans formals is a school that bans life” and “I don’t want to be a bitch, but you guys are really boring” were definitely spoken within our school walls.

Former girls’ school students might also find Orange Is The New Black weirdly relatable, in that women can be funny, gross, clever, manipulative, and segregate into very rigid and clearly-defined groups.

Full disclosure: our high school friendship group was a mixture between the Mean Girls gang who puts meat on their faces while making ‘meep’ sounds and… nope, that pretty much sums us up.

Why does everyone think we're so weird? Image via Paramount Pictures.

Look, there are countless things you just know if you went to an all-girls school. Here are just a few.

1. You know women are not the 'fairer sex'.

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Let's just say there is nothing 'delicate' or 'polite' about throwing your shoe at a fan for the hell of it. Or eating an entire can of whipped cream in three minutes because you stole it from the kitchen and don't want to get caught.

In public, women might tend to behave politely. They appear clean. They discretely hide their bodily functions and shave 11 different parts of their body.

That's not the case within the walls of an all-girls school. Girls are disgusting; we'd even go as far as to say 'feral.'

For most of high school they smelled like a foul mixture of Impulse and body odour. They could go weeks without washing their hair. They'd walk around with pimple cream on their acne.

At an all girls school, girls have no shame. This we know from experience.

We all look like this. All of us. All the time.

**2. You know plain clothes day = your worst nightmare.**

Ever had that dream where you realise you've gone to school naked? Yeah. Civvies days were like that... except you were wearing clothes you owned and it was even more embarrassing.

Can we have a straight up conversation about how a 13-year-old can afford Ksubi jeans? Because we simply cannot compete with that.

Mufti days were more competitive than Paris Fashion Week. Girls planned their outfits for weeks, then sat around judging other people's clothes on the day. "HA, did you see Christina? She is legit wearing a Winnie the Poo jumper." "I really like Sally's boob tube..." etc.

Watch Mia Freedman and Leigh Sales discuss the most valuable thing they learnt at school. (Post continues after video.)

3. Your uniform is a farshun statement.

Nothing, and we mean nothing, can stop girls from trying to make their school uniform fashionable. We wore a kilt and even then we tried to make it either a) high-waisted, or b) a mini-skirt.

Both approaches looked equally awful, but not quite as bad as letting it sit how it was intended: just below the knee. *shudders*

We looked like this. No offence, Jamie Fraser. Image via Starz.

We did the same thing with socks, blazers, shoes (Colorado only, pls), shirts, bags (two words: Country Road) and sports uniforms.

The trends were unpredictable but once they were introduced, boy did they stick. Literally. Girls GLUED their socks to their legs so as to maintain the height.

4. You know athletics carnivals have absolutely nothing to do with sport.

Somehow all 1000 girls at your school claim to have their period on the EXACT same day, so unfortunately can't compete in the athletics carnival/swimming carnival/cross country/any other type of sport.

How do periods interfere with one's ability to run a race? It's unclear. But the point is that teachers don't ask questions.

So, if athletics carnivals aren't about, you know, athletics, then what are they about?

Oh. You must have misread. It's a CARNIVALE, and by that we mean it's all about the costumes.

At all-girls schools, sports carnivals are all about dressing up.

A teacher might ask, "Ummm... how, how do you expect to run in that?", to which you must remind them that sports carnivals (carnivales) are all about 'team spirit'.

5. Whenever girls performed a 'dance' at assembly, it looked a little bit like a strip show.

Must they dance to 'I'm a slaaave 4 u'? Must they mount chairs while the male assistant principal watches on from the front row?

All-girls schools are obsessed with dancing, because teenage girls tend to be legitimately good dancers (us excluded). But there's a really uncomfortable phase in a girl's life where she wants to be like all the women she sees in popular culture, but doesn't yet realise how highly inappropriate that is for a Catholic school environment.

Sister Mary was not impressed.

6. You know the struggle of convincing a teacher you're not wearing makeup, when you unmistakably are.

As girls with fair hair, it was incredibly difficult to convince teachers that we weren't wearing makeup, that we just so happened to have REALLY NATURALLY DARK AND CURLY EYELASHES.

There was a very blurred line between 'tinted moisturiser' and foundation, and you lived in constant fear of being makeup-shamed in front of the entire class.

Or hair-shamed.

Or uniform-shamed.

There was so much shaming. (Post continues after gallery.)

The beauty products we were obsessed with in high school.

Lip Smackers

Impulse.Especially the Spice Girls one.

'90s fragrances.

Stick-on Earrings

Hair mascara

Frosted lip gloss

Butterfly clips

'Elaborate' hair styles

Spider-thin brows.

Body glitter.

French manicures

7. You know what it's like to spend 11 months talking about what you're going to do with your hair for your formal.

The planning that goes into having the perfect hair for one evening is frankly obscene. Especially considering the fact that no matter what, everyone ends up with those ugly formal curls.

We spent our final year of high school talking about where we'd get our spray tans, our make up done, our dresses, our shoes, our nails done (seriously?!), and where we'd be having the after party.

Most of us ended up with ill-fitting dresses our mums assured us we looked good in, dates who didn't quite fit into their suits, and a DIY tan job.

You know why? Because everyone is awkward AF at 17, and if you're not there's something wrong with you.

Oh, yes. I look bangin'. Image via Fox.

8. Girls are really, really funny.

There was one time in our high school lives when a group of girls were put in charge of choosing the music for a class mass. They chose only Celine Dion songs. We sang so loudly.

Another time, we had a class with the hot Irish teacher... only he didn't turn up, and in his place was an old lady. So we left. We literally left the school grounds and went home.

There was one class when we continued to bring snacks and call it a 'party' every week. It wasn't a party. There was important HSC stuff we had to do, but we just kept having parties.

At every athletics carnival, someone (we're still not sure who) would dress up in a bee suit. It was hilarious.

There are a lot of stereotypes about all-girls schools — some are true and some are exaggerated. But the number one thing everyone who went to an all-girls school will know is that it's a lot of fun. Girls are weird and smart and capable and witty and diverse.

And one day, the rest of the world will see that too.

Do you have any girls' school memories to share?

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