By REBECCA SPARROW.
It’s a jarring headline, I know.
When I saw an article on Jezebel recently entitled ‘How to bitch about having kids (without seeming like a total dick)‘ – I felt a mixture of horror and disdain. Good parents don’t bitch about their kids! Right? RIGHT?
And I sat there all indignant right up until Ava walked past and told my husband that I’d eaten his chocolate in the fridge.
Thank you, Dobby McDoberson.
Yep. I’d just bitched about my daughter to myself. In my own head. (And, now that I think about it, I’ve just sledged my three-year-old online). Not that I’d call it bitching. More venting. Whinging.
And how could I not? I live with a three-year-old. Just today she had a Jennifer Lopez sized meltdown because I asked her to eat a fish finger that SHE ASKED FOR. (‘It’s too bumpy!’ she screamed at me in a rage more suited to, I don’t know, say Pol Pot.)
On days like that I don’t so much as bitch about my daughter as text my friends with the words, “Bring me scotch,” or “I now know what it’s like to work for LaToya Jackson,” or the somewhat more succinct “She’s three but I think she could take me.”
And I know I’m not alone. Even those paragons of parental goodness Mike and Carol Brady were guilty of it. They couldn’t get Greg out of the house fast enough to stick the knife into him when he was giving everyone the shits with his “I’m Johnny Bravo” routine. (Dude, it’s only because you fit the suit and frankly you have the guitar playing skills of a ham-fisted orangutan.)
Top Comments
I am careful how much I complain as i like to think I am able to use perspective to cope with the everyday challenges my 2 kids (soon to be 3 this Tuesday!) give me. They drive me to frustration many days but I just think about how much worse I could be off (eg no money, no home, no food). I still complain but normally finish it up with a "well this is what I signed up for".
The gem from my 5 yo last week was when I overheard him playing on his "mobile phone" saying "hello? Police? Hurry, come quick, my mum keeps saying no to everything!!"
My little one says 'it's too fluffy' it's toast - how can toast be fluffy !!!!